Confidence

For many years, I have struggled with self-doubt, self-consciousness, and a general lack of confidence. It was debilitating. I could hardly look at myself in the mirror while I brushed my teeth. I tried everything I could to muster some sort of self-confidence. I tried the nofap movement. I tried working out. I tried anything that people said would boost my confidence. While most of the things I tried did have positive effects, I was still riddled with self-hatred and self-doubt. The problem with all of these things I was trying to do to boost my confidence and self-image was the simple fact that my heart was not in any of them. I didn’t really want to do them. I just wanted the confidence that I was sure they would provide. If I just did x I would be happy. It works for other people, why not me? That mindset is what was keeping me from finding my source of confidence. It was not until I started to do the things I actually wanted to do that I started to gain a little confidence. I began to do things that I wanted to but had never done because I feared what other people might think or that I would fail. I started reading, writing, dressing how I wanted, listening to music I liked not music I thought others would like me for liking, etc. I failed a lot (I still do), but it was not nearly as devastating as I thought it would be. Having the courage to do the things that I want has become the ultimate source of my self-confidence. That’s not to say that I don’t occasionally still doubt myself. I still do, but I know that it is more a fear of the unknown than a fault in myself. Basically, my advice for anyone who may stumble across the rambling is that if you do the things you want you will find that confidence you’ve been searching for. It’s always been there. You were just too busy looking for it in other people’s hiding places instead of your own.