By Anthony Roldan, Director of Engineering at HubSpot
“It could be worse.”
“Let’s focus on what we’re grateful for.”
“At least the weather’s great this week.”
For most of us, putting a positive spin on things has become the norm at work, especially if you’re a manager or leader. In ordinary times, being the team cheerleader is an unspoken requirement of the job. Leaders are expected to be upbeat, to help their teams find opportunities even during tough times, and to remind people that even against setbacks, they’ve “got this” and will “crush it.” In American culture, at least, this “turn lemons into lemonade” mentality is in many leaders’ DNA.
But these aren’t ordinary times.
The world is wracked by a horrible pandemic, a divisive and volatile political climate, increasing awareness of systemic racism and social injustice, and widening economic inequality. And it’s taking a toll. In a given week, nearly 6 out of 10 Americans feel lonely, depressed, or hopeless.
Still, when we hop on a Zoom or start a meeting, it’s all lemons into lemonade.
Forcing ourselves to put on a happy face at work feels like it makes sense — who couldn’t use some more positive vibes right now? Leaders are trying to keep teams motivated, build psychological safety, and set the tone that everything’s going to be okay. But blindly embracing relentless positivity can be highly corrosive, and even toxic, for a team.
The Problem with Toxic Positivity
Over-the-top positivity becoming negative isn’t new. As long as we’ve had Instagram, we’ve seen how being bombarded with all things good can actually do harm. But I’d argue that over the past six months it’s become as common as wearing a mask. Only in this case, it’s actually not good for you. This article about why we need to ditch toxic positivity captured the problem perfectly for me: Toxic positivity can make people feel like our negative emotions aren’t valid.
“Research has shown that accepting negative emotions, rather than avoiding or dismissing them, may actually be more beneficial for a person’s mental health in the long run. One 2018 study tested the link between emotional acceptance and psychological health in more than 1,300 adults and found that people who habitually avoid acknowledging challenging emotions can end up feeling worse.”
To put a fine point on it, nearly every time I read about the bold, exciting new future of work we’re in today, people mastering new hobbies during all their “new free time,” or over-emphasizing the few silver linings of our current situation, I feel a mixture of self-doubt, resentment, and fury.
Explicit or implicit messages that encourage us to paper over negative emotions isn’t just an annoyance, but an active stressor. With so many people struggling with circumstances beyond their control, toxic positivity can create a sense of guilt for feeling negative emotions, which compounds someone already feeling bad with thoughts of “what’s wrong with me?”
Instead, as leaders, we need to set the tone that it’s okay to not be okay.
Authentic Leadership in Tough Times
Like many companies, HubSpot’s hopeful that we can emerge from these overlapping crises as a stronger organization. Adaptability is a core value of ours and true to form, the adjustments we’ve made as a company make me incredibly proud to work here. As the pandemic set in, we created offers for customers and partners, the executive team started hosting regular AMAs to be fully transparent about our COVID-19 response, and we’ve relatively gracefully pivoted to being a fully remote company. We want to leverage remote work to diversify our team and offer more flexibility to our employees, and have declared so to the world.
Now, as we look to what the future of work looks like and shift our business to help our customers and employees thrive in “the new normal,” it’s easy to start talking like that new normal is here today and go all-in on toxic positivity.
It’s deeply inauthentic, however, to sidestep that we’re in a pretty tough situation right now. There’s no way to get around the fact that everything is still pretty bad, and it’s doubtful that anyone is performing at their best. What we may have gained in flexibility and commute time we’ve lost due to continuous stress, increased loneliness, a breakdown of the habits and routines we’re used to, struggles with childcare, and a tumultuous political climate.
That’s why I don’t think leaders should try to put rose-colored glasses on the chaos that is 2020. Even if business is good, we should be honest with our teams about how we’re feeling. Showing honest vulnerability as a leader builds stronger, more cohesive teams — and it’s transparently inauthentic to say that things in the world are going well today.
Instead, don’t be afraid to acknowledge that no, you’re not at your best as a leader right now. Sharing your honest feelings validates for your team that they can experience negative emotions, guilt-free. You don’t need to belabor the point or whine to your team, but a quick Slack message or an aside as you start a team meeting is enough to signal to the team that it’s okay to not be okay.
Connecting honestly with other people is harder now than it’s ever been. While I can’t say that being vulnerable as a leader during these times will lead to better outcomes and stronger teams than if we didn’t have to experience 2020, I do think it gives us a chance at it.
And once we’re actually living in the new normal, whenever that is, having built a practice of authentic and vulnerable leadership will help you and your teams do their best work. In the meanwhile, let’s continue to support each other through everything, stay healthy, and do our best.
