Alone vs. Lonely

Technology, emotion, millennials

I love my alone time. I enjoy the quiet and undisturbed periods where I have nothing to do, nothing planned. I enjoy spending that time with myself and reading. I’ll sometimes watch a movie or paint. I’ll often go out and dine by myself. So again, I love my alone time. That’s not to say that I enjoy constantly being alone. Heck, I’m an extrovert. I’ve always liked company, friends or family. But sometimes, nothing beats being alone at the park. Nothing beats a smoke and literature. Or a drink for one. There’s a time and place for everything.

One thing, however, that I do not have time for is loneliness. According to Google, loneliness is defined as: “Sad because one has no friends or company.” Even when one is alone, knowing that someone is a phone call away, they aren’t lonely. My generation in particular, the millennials, have this whole mentality mixed up like a baking experiment gone awry. The people who misunderstand the two (the states of being alone and lonely), are often impatient and needy. They are craving a certain attention that makes them feel relevant and present.

The millennials (sorry to pick on you, peers) are an odd generation. We’re the ones who grew up receiving forth and fifth place ribbons, and participation certificates. This group, in particular, are the ones who were raised in an ever growing digital world. Almost everything these days is digitized — from the way we work to the way we communicate. It’s awesome, no doubt. However, in this digital era, many people have developed into spineless creatures who far too often confuse some emotions for others — golden nuggets for turds. This is because they, thanks to technology, have lost the ability to feel, to empathize. Again, what lacks these days is empathy. There’s no need to feel badly for someone via text because you can’t hear the trembling in their voice. There’s no need to feel happy for someone after they’ve posted a smiling photo of themselves, because you can’t hear them laugh in elation.

Because of this disoriented compass of emotion, people have resorted to unnecessary means of consolation and satisfaction. One way, is fishing for likes or retweets or whatever. Some require the red numbered notifications to just get by. Each post is a “don’t forget about me” plea. An other way of discovering the consolation, is through hooking up — aka “Netflix and chill.” LOL. They think that sleeping with someone will dispel of the “loneliness.” I’ll say this, sex isn’t always love. And I’m sure they know that. To me, though, hooking up is the way to fix a problem that wasn’t even there.

It’s a shame, albeit interesting, that young folks these days find conversation a difficult task. They can’t interact with people, because they don’t spend time with people. They don’t carry people in their pocket and stare at them all day. This part of the modern culture has reduced to six second videos (vines), because apparently that’s the pinnacle of one’s attention span. Articles become fathomable to get through because they’ve evolved into numbered lists. Yes I’m looking at you, Medium. Hey, Buzzfeed.

I am not meaning to condemn the millennials at all. You can’t blame something for being the way it is. Grass is green. The sky is blue. And millennials are narcissists. Yikes, I said it. But I’ll credit Bret Easton Ellis for saying it first.

I can count on a single hand the times I’ve truly lonely. I’m extremely fortunate to say that. Loneliness is toxic. It’s a darkness, certainly. Arguably, it’s a condition of abandonment — of misunderstanding. And again, I don’t have time for it. Regardless of this sentiment, certain emotions are unavoidable. I know that. I dread knowing that. We’re all human.

Feelings are natural. They are special and can be magical. They are also often confused, mistaken, or distorted. Here it is. The difference between being alone and lonely wholly relies on the fact that loneliness entails a form of dejection, where as being alone is simply that. It shouldn’t bug me as much as it does when I witness, via social media or in person, somebody exclaim that they are “lonely.” Tell me more about the people that will read that post. And did you forget that I am standing here?

In knowing that I can’t point fingers at a certain someone or something for being responsible for the numbness and apathy that tech usage can bring, all I can say is this: I hope things will turn around, or at least remain the same. I’ve been interrupted too many times for a text. We’ve all been affected by the changes that the digital era has dragged along with it.

I’ll continue to enjoy my alone time. I’ll continue to try and be honest with myself, the way I feel. I have a sticky note on my desk that reads: “Smile more. Bitch less.” I must heed my own advice. The last thing I wanted this to be is a vitriolic proclamation of grievances. Because if there’s anything I detest more than a disgruntled youngster, it’s a whiny, disgruntled youngster. Of course, I’m joking. Take this saltiness with a grain of salt. If I offended you, oops. Re-read as a satire, I suppose. If you liked this, even a wee bit, there’s nothing more than I’d appreciate than a little heart or response — or both! Happy reading.

“But I’m a vegan.” — A college girl who is encouraged to partake in cannibalism. (The Green Inferno, Eli Roth, 2013)

photo by Antoine Geiger