Humans of Blue Rock #13-#15

“Can we make this quick? I’m terminally ill.”


“I buy only top-of-the-line fertilizer, mainly to show to my animals and say, ‘This is what you’re up against, fellas.’ Then they walk into each poop knowing what they’re competing with on the free market.”


“I tend to be a glass half full kind of guy. I never really am able to finish drinking a whole glass of water at restaurants anyway.”


“I have a very dark past. We could never afford to pay our electric bills so the company sent a guy over to shut off our power and I killed him.”


“My friends all seem to genuinely enjoy my company and find me impressive. I’ve gotta find some cooler friends.”


“Nobody believed me when I told them I saw a ghost. Probably because I was lying about it. I must have a tell.”


“I like applesauce, apple juice, apple cider, apple pie, green apple vodka, and apple butter. But you know what I can’t stand? Jews. Isn’t that weird?”


“So I know this is weird but I tried orange juice for the first time last month. And it was amazing! Why don’t people talk about orange juice more?”


“We started off as just friends. But over the years we started spending more and more time together and eventually our friendship blossomed into unrequited love.”


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