Humans of Blue Rock #22–24
“When I grow up I wanna be a fireman.”
“How come?”
“I’m 5 and haven’t thought it through.”
“I was breastfed until I was 6 years old. Some people think that’s weird, but it’s not as weird as wearing a plaid shirt and people wear plaid shirts all the time. What? Wearing a plaid shirt isn’t weird? Oh God, I’ve been a weirdo my whole life! Fuck man, that’s a lot to handle. I sure could go for some breastmilk right about now.”
“I’m completely unable to express emotion. It’s whatever, though.”
“I’ve found in life that if you really put your mind to something and give it every ounce of effort you’ve got, it makes failure that much more devastating.”
“People don’t seem to understand how hard it is being me. I mean, I’m literally the only person to pull it off. Why aren’t people more impressed by that?”
“I’m extremely nostalgic but I also have severe amnesia — oh man, remember when I began this sentence? Those were the times.”
“People say I’m the strong, silent type. Then I say ‘thank you’ and they say ‘oh, never mind.’”
“I’ve always hated Mondays. Then one day I thought: ‘Hey, I bet I could condition myself to like them better by finding something I really enjoy and only doing it on Mondays!’ So now Monday is the only day I masturbate on. Turns out I still hate Mondays, but all the other days of the week have become worse too.” (1/2)
“My brother was diagnosed with liver cancer five years ago. The doctors said he only had six months to live, but I knew they were wrong because he was a fighter. And what do you know — six days later he was stabbed to death in a bar brawl.” (2/2)
