REMEMBER THE NAME IS A TRASH SONG AND I WILL PROVE IT TO YOU

Of all the inherently wack songs that for some reason still stick around in the eyes of the public and in your brain like a leech sucking the life from its host, “Remember The Name” is the worst. The middle school basketball highlight tape anthem is the most cheesy and annoying part of every failed athletic mixtape from the 2000’s. Remember when reading this that I am right and you are wrong and my opinions are fact and you can scream all you want to but you’re still wrong.

THE BEAT

This song sounds like something created for Creed but was trashed because it’s every cliche rolled up into one song, which is too much even for a movie universe that is itself a series of cliches. It functions as this semi-uplifting beat, synonymous with overcoming failures and achieving success. The strings sound like they were created for a Lord of the Rings battle scene that didn’t make it into the final cut of the movie. The minimalist drums are likely supposed to make it sound gritty and intense, but give off this lame training montage feel. There’s no buildup, there’s no variation, this is the bastard child of perpetually-angsty Linkin Park co-lead vocalist Mike Shinoda and the father of Beck. This is the song you hear in every lame, scrappy-underdog story that you can’t get out of your head.

THE LYRICS

Arguably the worst part of the entire song is the chorus, and the stupidest line in the stupidest chorus of all time is “50% pain”. That line alone is enough to make you roll your eyes, especially when delivered by Mike Shinoda, a member of the poster boy band for teenage “rebellion” and Monster energy stickers on cars with spoilers.

“He feels so unlike everyone else, alone”

NOOOOOOO OOOOOOOONE UNDERSTAAAAAAANDS MEEEEEEEEE

“It’s not about the salary/It’s all about reality and makin’ some noise”

Way to tell us that it’s not about the salary when you split from Linkin Park to do this solo project, Shinoda. Really have us convinced here.

“Who the hell is he anyway/He never really talks much”

All respect to Styles of Beyond, but this part of the song is the worst. This is the track for dudes who have “Speak Softly And Carry A Big Stick” in their Twitter bio but shout their dumb ass hot take opinions all over the internet. At least when I shout my dumb ass hot take opinions all over the internet, I have the common courtesy to not have previously labeled myself as some kind of silent tough guy, sitting in the corner of the bar drinking a whisky double every 30 minutes (but is totally not drunk when the fighting needs to happen).

You aren’t Teddy Roosevelt, and you definitely don’t carry a big stick.

“His only focus on what he wrote/his will is beyond reach”

Every single person listening to this and believing this about themselves just thought about themselves as Eminem in 8 Mile, I guarantee it.

“His stock’s through the roof/I heard he fuckin’ with S. Dot”

The fallacy that we live in a fair world is oft repeated subconsciously through songs like these and parrotted by movies and TV shows that simply show the protagonist working hard for the first time in forever and getting what they want in the end.

Hard work does not guarantee success. You can outwork the other person and still lose, badly.

“The type women want to be with/and rappers hope he gets shot”

Scribble your words on your notepad, Eminem-in-training. Throw that hoodie up, and don’t talk to anyone. All women love people who don’t talk at all and work 24/7. They will totally want your ding a ling.

“Him and his crew are known around as one of the best/dedicated to what they doin’, give a hundred percent”

Do you remember those old Gatorade commercials with the colored sweat? Instead of having Styles of Beyond and Mike Shinoda walking around a bar and then going outside of the aforementioned bar in the music video they should’ve just played the colored sweat commercials with this song in the background.

It’s a crappier version of a crappy style of song that never seems to die. Your song can literally be about nothing and I’ll likely enjoy it, but don’t give me this 50% pop 50% rap 100% lame song that some version of comes out three times every year, likely with a Katy Perry feature. It’s Struggle Rap, except it’s done by a guy who is very much not in the struggle and hasn’t been for some time, and Styles of Beyond, who actually have been in the struggle, and have much better music about actually struggling.

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