I think meditation is working.
Having recently moved across the country from Ohio to Northern California to try and start a technology company, you can imagine the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions embracing someone as they leap from a world of considerable certainty, to the considerable opposite.
I don’t have a permanent place to live. I don’t have a guaranteed income. I don’t have a network of strong connections (yet) that I can trust. I have a bank account that’s slowly dwindling each week. I’m one injury. One accident. One computer failure away from being put in an incredibly dire financial situation, 2000 miles away from home.
And yet, it’s all ok.
On the surface, it’s chaos but…
Underneath, there’s a calm, and a peace that I believe is once earned, but there available to us all.
You see, I can’t recall how long it’s been, and maybe that’s a sign that it’s been a fair bit, but regardless, the length of time I’ve been meditating day-in and day-out without missing a sit, is ultimately meaningless.
What isn’t meaningless, or put in non-double negativity, what is meaningful….
The fact I’m effectively not contributing to the continual growth of the human egos’ desire to pull our collective species ever closer to the primal, survival-modian beast it wants us to be.
On that note, let me take a second to speak straight into the eye of the beast, the human ego itself.
You will not control us. Your reality-shaping powers are none, for the thoughts and emotions you create to keep us small will bow to the mass-awakening of the human consciousness occurring as we speak. Each person I meet that seeks to control me, belittle me, manipulate me, shun me. You’ve taken over minds and it is no longer to be stood for. The power of kindness, positivity and light WILL avail over you. You scumbag piece of shit. You’ve gone on for far too long, and your secret is out. No longer will your power grow, for the light of joy will cast you back into the shit-shadows from where you’ve crawled this whole time.
We shall overcome.
I was driving home recently, here in Northern California. We all make mistakes on the road. It’s not a matter of if, but when.
This when, made me mistakenly pull out in front of a lifted-truck driver. This is not, as it seems, a negative reference driven in prior emotion but rather, a statement of fact.
He was in fact, not letting me into the lane, as I had originally perceived.
This, did not sit well with this ego-driven fella.
As I slow in my “not-lane,” he passes and I seemingly think nothing more of a mistake resulting in nothing it seems.
But, this driver had feelings otherwise.
As I pull up next, to go on about my ways, I hear a voice from a height-a-few above my Volvo station wagon (not hard to do).
Here we go…or are we?
My first approach, to ignore, doesn’t seem to give this Ego the validation it seeks, and so it chooses to follow me down a road it obviously hadn’t planned.
And I hadn’t planned, to roll down my window in response as it’s clear what this person needed most was to be acknowledged in the frustration I had obviously caused him.
While I can’t recite exactly what was spoken for memories’ allowed, I recall the harsh “Ohio f*ggot” that exploded onto the road around us.
As I rolled the window down, I felt the fear, anger, and frustration of this Ego arise within me but…
No. I choose not to become it.
I speak plainly, to the nature of the present:
“Hey man, it’s not that serious. I’m sorry, I thought you were letting me out, so here we are.”
“So here we are”
So here we are, in this moment, at a crossroads from which we can go closer towards creating a world where ego drives us, or to one of greater compassion, understanding, and presence.
“Yeah, so here we are,” he repeats, as we calmly roll up and on.
In that moment, in choosing to acknowledge this man’s emotions, but not allowing them to define us, the hold of the Ego upon all of humanity lessened its grip, if not by one minutiae.
You will not defeat us, for we are the light.