As an INFJ and lover of all things scientific, I thought I’d share some insight into this rare and special personality type from my own perspective. INFJs make up around 1% of the population. Most INFJs I have met are incredibly enigmatic. I titled this article “ the deafening silence” because as an INFJ, we crave quiet and calm surroundings, but our minds are a constant whirl of thoughts, worries, and over-analyzing. We often find ourselves feeling out of place and as if no one “gets us”. We are incredibly sensitive, not only in our feelings, but the feelings of those around us. It’s why we need introversion to balance us, because being in tune with the feelings of people you encounter all day can be exhausting. Not only do we sense those feelings, but we tend to mirror them as well. If an INFJ is having a good day, it might be because they’ve been surrounded by positivity throughout the day, the same can be said for negative as well. It was only a few years ago while in University that I discovered my personality type, and when I began to read about it, I was relieved that I wasn’t so weird, or alone, after all. We are introverts, but that doesn’t mean we like to be alone all the time, it means we need solace to recharge. Many INFJs are also Highly Sensitive People (HSPs). It means that were are empathetic to the point that it feels like we’re bordering on mild clairvoyance. We see through facades and lies quickly and easily and will often brute force our way through small-talk in order to get to the real meat of the matter. We have no time for sales pitches or selling points — we are looking for real and authentic. We are special, but so is every other personality type.
This can prove problematic for our relationships. Friendships for INFJs can feel very one-sided, because few personality types are as selfless and giving as an INFJ. We are feelers and we are sensitive to a fault, others need to remember to take great care with our feelings, as we do theirs. INFJs have a particularly fun maneuver we use to resolve problem relationships. It’s called the INFJ door slam. It is exactly what it sounds like — but it’s much less harsh than you may be imagining. The INFJ door slam is our way of resolving problems that burn us out. Problems that linger too long, that make us feel toyed with, abused, or ignored, will result in a door slam. It’s the simple act of the INFJ taking charge and resolving an issue by simply pushing it out of their life. INFJs do not do “hot and cold” friendships or romances, we are too deeply emotional for that and will feel overloaded by people who treat us in that way. We need resolution and cannot ignore problems. If resolution is denied to us, we will resolve it ourselves by snipping those emotional ties. The door slam is not an act of anger, desperation, or a form of abuse. It is simply self-preservation at it’s finest. Once emotional ties are cut by an INFJ, it is nearly impossible to repair them. If your INFJ is angry or visibly upset, the problems may be fixable, but if the INFJ in your life is cool and aloof, you likely have a door slam problem. We are gentle souls, which is why we prefer to simply shut the door, rather than be abusive or vengeful in return. When this happens, an INFJ feels like their outside world got even quieter and their inner mind just got louder.
Finding friends that understand an INFJ always feels like an impossible task, but there are some personality types that we “click” with. I’m married to an INTJ, and the most often argued points revolve around my sensitivity to feelings and understanding of deeper emotional problems, while his stance is logical and thoughtful. We share intuition (N) and so our focus is clearly set on the future, we gather information similarly and value the abstract. I have another INFJ friend whom I value for the simple fact that she understands my pain, my plight, and my need to be alone. She see’s injustices that I see, that others ignore. She is a kindred spirit, but we are so different in our approaches. One of my dearest friends is an ESFP. She is wild and fun and brings out the best in everyone that crosses her path. She is like dynamite, and I am like water. I work slowly and carefully to what I want or need, while she blows the doors wide open and screams “ I’m here, LOVE ME”, and you know, I sincerely do.
INFJs are formidable creatures, magic is alive and well for us , our sensitivity guides us to places few people can dare to go. We are inherently connected to the world and pick up on universal cues that are lost on others.— we feel music deeply, we feel emotions deeply, and we see things in others that are too often ignored. We are the paladins of the real world — the justice seekers whom value each and every sentient being we come in contact with. The world is unfair and we feel that in our veins, and it just so happens that our greatest cause is to fix those problems quietly and without being noticed.
Every person is capable of making changes to the world. I chose to become a counselor to enact those changes daily on the people that I can reach. I know many people, all with different personality types (INFJs included) who don’t act, but instead sit idly by waiting for someone else to ride in and save the day. INFJs aren’t anymore special than any other personality type, but this one is going to use her odd set of gifts to fix some shit.
In the words of Genesis-
This is the world we live in
And these are the hands we’re given
Use them and let’s start trying
To make this a place worth living in.
