Hello, (Medium) World

Hello everybody,

I know that direct contact isn’t my forte, but we have finally crossed a line in time where I have no choice but to start coming clean with the world. I’ve hidden behind holy books, appointed officials, world wars and events for too long. I’ve allowed my devil counterpart to infest our beautiful earth with things like violence, hatred, poverty, hunger, cancer and other diseases, greed, natural disasters caused by climate change, and just an overall disbelief in a higher creator. And I can’t blame you.

I’m not one to make excuses, but what people need to understand about religion is this- if you believe in something as great and all-knowing as myself, then it would only be reasonable to believe in the opposite being- out of pure necessity. That is, God vs Devil is not a 1-seed versus 16-seed heavily-favored blowout scenario. It’s a full-time job for me. Not just 40 hours per week, but every second of every minute. For every positive experience I work to bring to you, the devil ensures an opposite and equal consequence. It couldn’t be any other way, or I would be bored, unchallenged, and eventually unneeded. Consider him my job security, as distasteful as that may sound.

I don’t blame anyone for doubting my existence during the turmoil we now see ourselves in. And I’m not in the business of defending myself, pointing to the countless great things I’ve given you (love, sex, art, education, camaraderie, cures to diseases, anything made by Apple or Google, the NFL, etc.)

The coexistence of such great and such unspeakable things can only last together for so long, and the end of the world is surely coming. Sorry to burst your bubble, no pun intended. If you side with the scientists, it’ll be an asteroid hundreds or thousands of years from now. If you’re an evangelical Christian or ISIS, it’ll be after a Championship Game, Super Bowl- type war in Rome.

I don’t write this to scare or radicalize anyone, rather quite the contrary. In earth’s history, religion’s main goal was to alleviate our fears of death. So I slowly and strategically start communicating to every good soul out there that if they live an honest life here during their limited time on this planet, that they’ll be rewarded with an eternity of gifts, praise, and comfort. And this is still true, as is the opposite- that all evil souls will be reunited with their leader, the Devil.

The concept of eternal anything is impossible for you to understand, and is the reason I exist in the first place. From the moment a small child becomes aware of his own existence and the knowledge that it will inevitably end at an unpredictable time, who do they reasonably come to first for answers? You guessed it. Miah. You’re rightfully programmed to believe that you’re here for a higher purpose, and that you will leave an impactful mark on the places you lived. Which is true.

The truth is, life has existed forever, and there is no beginning or end of time. You are as unique as a snowflake, but -illions of others have come and gone just like you. Almost everyone has done good in their lives, but also was born with original sin. And using your immortality as an excuse to do bad things will not fly with me. There’s nothing you can hide from me, and your actions here will decide whether or not you have a mansion or a 1-bedroom apartment in my heaven.

I make these simplistic jokes not to ignite a comedy career, but rather illustrate the disconnect that must exist between me and the world. We can never really speak the same language, because there are concepts that only a higher being like myself could understand. That, and I’m busy fending off the Devil’s team with all my energy all the time. It would be like President Obama defending his stance on foreign policy to his dog instead of getting a good-night’s rest before his trip to Cuba. It doesn’t matter how cute Bo is:

The big man still has more important business to attend to. And the leash is necessary.

So this I can promise you: your life will eventually end, as will the world we live in. But because you have me on your side, there is nothing to be afraid of. What I ask of you is the same as it always has been: do the best you can with what you’ve been given. Treat others the way you want to be treated, and do everything and everyone in my greater name. When your judgement day comes, I’ll by sympathetic to the sins that the devil was able to manipulate you into committing, so long as you believe in me, trust in my greater plan, and give me reason to see that your soul lives on. Otherwise, I have no option but to forfeit you to my competitor.

Yours truly,

God

PS- If you’re wondering why I chose Medium for my first post, the answer is simple. “IAmGod” was already taken on AOL, Gmail, Facebook, Twitter, Insta, Snap, etc. As of now, I am at 0 followers, so the sooner you get on board, the higher honor you’ll have in my books. Also feel free to “love” my first of many posts, regardless of your current religious position, as any god worth following includes people of all backgrounds.