Out and About

Hey guys

It has been too long since I have written in my blog. I am sorry about that, but my excuse is that I have been life and living it well. I can’t say that I am always happy, but I certainly I am happier and I know that I could not have done this without you and without all of my support systems.

I want to reiterate that even if we have never spoken, even if we have never glanced at each other, if you are just reading me for the first time that you are essential to my recovery from mental illness and that I am grateful that you are in my life. I sincerely mean that. Who ever you are, and whatever you are reading this for… I am glad.

Guys, I am in school and I am killing it! I’m pulling off As and I just got an A+ on a paper with a recommendation that I submit it for publication! Another paper of mine is being published! I came out a few months ago as a gender queer man. Okay, I am not gender queer. I am gender fabulous! I have been depressed from time to time, but I have not been living with the horrible pain that once plagued my life. The pain has subsided.

I am still in therapy, guys. It’s painful sometimes. I am learning a lot and I hope to keep learning. Life is still hard.

What else is good? I escaped my abuser! I ESCAPED MY ABUSER. I live away from her now and I am not being abused! I AM NOT BEING ABUSED!

I am free to be me! I am starting to reclaim myself. I am starting to reclaim my body and I am starting to love myself.

My life is far from perfect. I have much room for improvement. Some days are rough. On balance, I wouldn’t trade with anyone today.

I’m still on disability for my illness. I am still suffering from C-PTSD and depression and anxiety. I still have days when I don’t feel like I am Queer enough. Or Joel enough. Or enough period. I get through those times which are no longer weeks but are sometimes just hours.

I survive.

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