2017 Dialogue-Writing Challenge: Day 16
Scott Myers



NICK PATIDES sits on the stand. He’s infuriated: waving his arms around to emphasize his point.

NICK: You can’t just hit on another guy’s girlfriend in front of him. He had it coming, your honor. If I hit on another guy’s girlfriend, I expect that dude to bust out my windows. I don’t know why he’s being such a baby about it. He can get new car windows. I can’t get another girlfriend. I broke windows. I didn’t hurt anybody.

The PROSECUTOR raises his eyebrows: surprised. The JUDGE leans forward: interested.

Nick’s jaw drops as he realizes what he just said.

PROSECUTOR: So you admit that you broke the Plaintiff’s car windows.

NICK: I didn’t mean it like that.

JUDGE: Then how did you mean in Mr. Patides? Because it seems pretty night and day to me.

NICK: I meant metaphorically. I broke his emotional windows when I called him an asshole.

PROSECUTOR: So you admit you’re the one who spray painted the word asshole on the plaintiff’s house.

NICK: I did not say that.

PROSECUTOR: But you do say the word asshole.

NICK: Say it, don’t spray it.

PROSECUTOR: Clever. However, we can agree you’re the one who shattered the plaintiff’s windows.

NICK: Is it too late for a plea deal?

JUDGE: You are not a very smart man Mr. Patides.

Nick slinks down in his seat.