I Fixed the Damn Drain!
Something had gone amiss is the bathroom. Months passed and the drain grew slower. It gurgled for air after every hand-washing. I watched it struggle, helpless. The water discolored a stagnant grey; it was slow like clouds on a winter’s day.
The same months passed with silence from the super. Texts. Phone calls. Voicemails. All were met with emptiness. The repair was small, but the need was great. We began to wonder…did the super’s number change? Did he even exist? We emailed the landlord and heard nothing. Is anyone OUT THERE!?!
A spontaneous trip to Bed, Bath and Beyond further ignited our rage but also presented a solution. An industrial-sized pipe clean appeared for just $3.99, and with that our mission became clear. No more would we wait for THE MAN to come and fix our sad drain. We’d do it ourselves.
Pour a whiskey and get to work.
I sipped and searched the great How-Tos of YouTube until I found a video that clearly showed how to remove the stopper from the sink without droning on for 12 minutes over terribly lit footage. Never for a moment did I doubt this will be successful. I simply needed a little guidance.
As I took on my brief apprenticeship in plumber-y, boyfriend attacked the clog from above with the pipe cleaner. A family drain sausages had nested in the curve of the drain, and the extractions he made were hairy and covered in sludge. How had we lived this way for so long? Oh, the shame!
We came to an impasse on this front and turned to the underside of the sink. Boyfriend stood in the tub (our bathroom is exceedingly small) while I crouched on the ground. My newly acquired YouTube knowledge was teeming to be used. With just a flathead screwdriver and my bare hands, I dismantled the drain plug. I wish, oh how I wish I had set up a camera to capture the moment, for dear reader, when I pulled out the mechanism, the largest wad of clogged fatberg came out with it. I yelled a mighty yell from my gut, full of disgust but also discovery. We had found it, King Clog, and it was to be DESTROYED!
Having satisfied ourselves with the removal of all large, gross wads of pipe poo, I re-assembled the drain plug. We flushed the pipes with two boiling hot kettles of water (a tried and true technique I picked up from my Mamaw), then disinfected the shit out of everything. And it was done.
The sweet little sink is back to its charming self, the drain running smoother than any time since we moved in, and the stopper moving more swiftly than ever.
I hope now that they come.** They’ll come and see that we fixed the drain! TAKE THAT SUPER! We don’t need you…if you even exist at all.
I am the last dragon!
This post brought to you by the fact that I am VERY proud of myself and I’ve just started watching Game of Thrones for the first time.
** The Super showed up just a few days after we repaired the clog, a few weeks still after we complain to the landlord/management. My requests to him to fix it have been ongoing since December.
What have you fixed/repaired lately that made you feel like a total badass? Did you hang a shelf? Tighten that annoyingly wobbly cabinet door? Share your GLORY in the comments!