Pie Chart + Table Combined: Land Degradation
The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.
- Summarize the in formation by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Causes of Worldwide Land Degredation
Causes of Degradation by Region
First, here is an essay by one of my students:
The bar chart compares the main cause of the lack of global farmland, namely over-grazing, over-cultivation, deforestation, and the rest. In the term of the table describes that the cause of land degradation, by three areas in 1990s.
Firstly, over-grazing was highest proportion of entire land degradation, by 35% in 1990s.Sequentially, the impact of deforestation and over-cultivation, constituting 30% and 28% respectively. The rest accounted for just 7 %.
On the other hand, according to the table, Europe was the most influence of agriculture land shortage, by 23% of total, which including deforestation by 9.8% as many as 7.7% in over-cultivation, and 5.5% in over-grazing. In comparison with North American, there was less damage on its farmland, in total of degradation represented by 5%.Despite in Oceania, there was no account of over-cultivation to harm farmland, over-grazing represented by 11.3% to be the significant suffering of total less productive land(13%).
To sum up, in 1990s over-grazing was the main reason of global land problem, in the same time, Oceania suffered seriously from this case.
Let me correct it and rewrite the paragraphs (in blue) using the student’s original ideas:
Some suggestions below the image of over-grazing
Advice
Grammar:
Think more carefully before you begin to write. Find out exactly what the numbers represent and how to express them with grammatical subjects and verbs
- 30% of global farmland was degraded due to deforestation.
- Deforestation was the second major cause of land loss at 30%
Too many short sentences. Try some parallel structures:
- Not only was over-cultivation insignificant in Oceania, but also deforestation had a negligible impact.
- Worldwide, land has been degraded by deforestation, over-cultivation, and over-grazing.
Try to use coordinating conjunctions:
- Although overgrazing was very destructive in Europe in the 90s, it was hardly a problem at all in N.America.
Vocabulary:
You get graded on vocabulary, so the more fancy words and idioms you add, the higher the grade. Use synonyms, but don’t worry about doing that every time you use a heading from the graphs. It won’t be possible to do that every time and it will make the essay look ridiculous.
Coherence and Cohesion:
Too few connectors used: furthermore, in addition etc.
The next lesson will offer some Speaking Module questions for practice.
About Paul Davey
I’m Paul from Bristol, England. I am an IELTS tutor available for face-to-face classes in Taipei and Skype classes anywhere in the world. I’m based in Yonghe, New Taipei City — very close to Taipei. I have been teaching for many years and I am good at it. I’m patient and never tire of correcting students’ mistakes. I know many good ways for students to learn quickly and make a lot of progress in a short time. You won’t be wasting your money. I especially know the difficulties faced by Chinese speakers, and I know how to overcome these difficulties. IELTS is my primary concern and over the years I have taught hundreds of students in the UK, Hong Kong, Taiwan, and other spots around the world. I know what the examiners look for and I know how to increase your band and get the grade you need to make your dream come true. I have been blogging about IELTS for about a decade. I started my first website in 2007, before beginning to blog at IELTS Tutor on the Hello UK website. Now I blog only at IELTS in Taiwan and Around the World. I majored in Environmental Sciences at the University of East Anglia, UK, graduating with a bachelor’s degree (2/1 with honours). I obtained my language-teaching qualification in 2006, which is accredited by the Royal College of Teachers. Before I began teaching, I worked in a software company in the UK, writing and selling software solutions. After teaching for many years I took a five-year break to run my own retailing business. Following that adventure, I returned to full-time teaching. For the last 11 years, I’ve been in Taiwan, where in addition to my IELTS work, I have taught corporate classes at Taipei Bank, Pfizer, and Chinese Petroleum Corporation (CPC, Taiwan). I have interests in many fields including travel, literature, science and history.
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Originally published at ieltsintaiwan.wordpress.com on October 22, 2015.
