Struggles

After attempting these Blogging sites before, it always end in “One Post — Done” so don’t be surprised if this is first and last post. Sometimes, you just feel the need to type out your thoughts and read them back to yourself. They can make more sense this way and put things into perspective.

In the 29 years I’ve been here, I’ve experienced 2 family passing's. First my great uncle who died from Cancer. This occurred back while I was in Secondary School. A few years back, his wife and my Great Auntie peacefully passed away. These were hard to move on from but we all managed eventually.

Over the last few years, my Grandad has rapidly deteriorated. From being fit and healthy, his legs were the first to go. He became more and more unsteady on his feet and was spending more and more time in bed. The the Dementia diagnosis happened. At first, it seemed very mild. The odd thought or family member’s name would be forgotten, then the last few days, then hours.

His legs stayed at the same level for a while. Able to walk short distances. After my Nan had a incident where she fell down the stairs and broke multiple ribs, he was offered a room in the local nursing home, just so someone was always available should he need help. Once Nan recovered, he came home.

It started becoming a common thing to receive a phone call to say that, for precautionary reasons, he was being taken into hospital, just for quick treatment or observation. These visits to the wards would span from a day or two to a fortnight. In the last month, he’s been taken in 3 times.

He quickly became bed bound. Unable to walk. Hands shaking and unable to feed or water himself. It escalated quickly. Carers now visit the house 4 times a day to do their thing and we became used to this.

After another 2 visits to the hospital, a district nurse visited the house one day and declared a diagnosis of Pneumonia. I assumed the normal would occur, antibiotics, observation etc……No.

The decision was made to (and I hate this phrase), make him comfortable. Basic treatment only. This is heartbreaking. Especially when they broke the news that he would be with us for around 3 to 4 more days. Writing this post, this is Day 8. Yesterday afternoon, the district nurse said that she would be very surprised if he made it through the night. Credit to my Grandad, he made it through the night. We may not be able to understand a single word he says but he’s proved one thing, he’s a fighter.

What’s extremely upsetting is the waiting. My phone could go off at any moment. Ensuring that every night after work, I go up to see him, maybe for the last time.

I end this by saying….I love you Grandad, with all my heart. Thank You for being the best Grandad a Grandson could wish for. I’ll Miss You.

Love Nicky

xxxxxxxxx

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