Being honest with myself

It is probably about time

This is me. I am 22, about to become 23, but I don’t think I am ready. I also don’t know why I am writing this today. I have never been the type of person to write any sort of diary or journal. But a few things have happened lately and writing about them has helped.

I am worried about my mothers health, what will happen to my farther and what my brother is currently feeling. I have never been the type of person that freely discussed my feelings, instead locking them away deep has always worked, I was never the person to get upset. But now things have changed. I may have lost the person that I though I could talk to, the one person that I started to open up too.

It is probably my own fault, I could have happily continued to lock my feelings up. It worked for 21 years.

One moment stands out more than any other, I was back home in Liverpool and spent some time talking to my mother. Once I left the room it hit me that this moment will not last much longer. I went to bed,and suddenly felt comfortable being so upset in front of my (ex) girlfriend. This has never happened before, and it felt like a relief.

Now I am struggling to keep it together, I want the closeness back. Not even with my ex, but with someone.

(I keep reading this back in my head, I keep making changed and have yet to publish it… I don’t want it to upset anyone. But maybe no one will ever find it.)