[Untitled Work Rant]
With the job market and the state of the economy being how it’s been for the last however-many years, I feel hesitant in saying that I don’t like my job. I should just be grateful to have one, especially considering how long it took me to find it in the first place. But given that I’ve been in my position going on 5 years now, where I was in my life back then and what I’m looking to do going forward just doesn’t match up.
My job isn’t difficult, although, management’s attempts to make it more difficult than it has to be can be very frustrating. But, I do data entry for mortgage companies. I am tasked with receiving homeowners insurance documents, and updating our systems accordingly, which may include issuing payments, and even speaking with the borrowers themselves. And I tend to do this same and other similar processes hundreds of times every day. The only thing I can think of that may be more monotonous is watching grass grow or paint dry. But like I said, it’s not difficult.
The difference between where I was when I first got the job and where I am now is what I prioritize in my life. Initially, I need a job to keep my credit card and phone bill paid, and maybe some walking around money looked nice in my account. I was still in school, so my student loans weren’t due at the time, and I didn’t have a car note or insurance to consider. However, all that has since changed. My credit card was cancelled as a result of filing for bankruptcy (something I haven’t been very open about), there is no such thing as walking around money, I am no longer in school, which means my grace period is over (it was actually one of those loans being defaulted on which caused my accounts to be frozen), and I have a car that needs gas every week, and insurance that I am legally required to have and maintain. Also, I have a whole child to help support. Now, as all of these changes have occurred, the amount of money I’m actually bringing home remains the same. And that is a problem.
I have been able to stay above water by the grace of God and the people around me. The annual raises I’ve “earned” at my job have been no more than 20% at best, which equates to about a quarter or so an hour. They haven’t moved me into any higher brackets, but they are giving me more of the work that the people in the higher brackets are responsible. I remember at a recent meeting my manager referring to me as the “Swiss army knife” of the team, but of all that I’m capable of. And while I’m sure he meant it as a compliment, it felt more like a back-handed one, if anything. And maybe the stagnation I feel at my job is my fault; not wanting to move up in fear that I’ll be stuck there even longer.
I can see how that may sound like backward thinking, but it is a very real fear. I knew people who were with the company for 14+ years, and were not running the place, or in any real authoritative position. Upon meeting them, I told myself not to get stuck here. I’ve told others who’ve come in after me not to get stuck here. It’s so easy to lose track of time, given the monotonous nature of what we do, and the amount of times we have to do it per day. I have a genuine fear that if I don’t get out of there soon, I will be associated with the company long pass the opportunity to do anything else.
The “anything else” has been difficult to visualize, but that doesn’t mean the image isn’t there. I want to help people tell their stories; proofreading, editing, publishing. I figure I can apply the same reasoning as to why I obtained my degree in psychology in more diverse and unique ways. I want to write the stories that have been swirling around in my head for years now, and share them with those interested in what I have to say. I am a creative, and a content creator. I am a healer, and I am healed. These are the titles I claim. These are the things I want to be known for. This is the legacy I want to leave . . . but who has the time to be great when I have work in the morning?