heads & tails

closer than they could ever realize…

an unsent letter to the shell of someone i used to love.

Potent missives, unscripted love making, violence and fire and brimstone in our bedroom. It was all for you, everything within me it was all for you. tightropes disguised as conversation, disgust covered with “I love you”. Hearts that are hurriedly examined in the corner of a quiet room, with no time to clear the mire or remove the cobwebs from the space where your name was. I write this in futility. You are as far from me as the east is from the west, yet we lie to each other with every glance and forced laugh. The spontaneity of lust, the last real tie between us. If only fear hadn’t entrapped me. The fear of being alone. You are the devil I know and I know that I have found comfort in this misery. So hold me like you mean it, hands around my neck, and set me free.

….they are simply two sides to the same miserable fucking coin.

an unsent letter to whoever you are these days.

Anger bleeding through my pores, you fuck me like you hate me and a part of me loves it. It was all for you, everything within me it was all for you. Dodging meaningful dialogue, empty platitudes filling the canyon between us, I cannot swim and you seem content to watch me sink. I cannot pinpoint the moment that your heart became the coldest space in this house. I write this in futility. We are as far apart as the north is from the south, and my mouth has become a prison to the bitterness creating a home within me. marks on my gums represent the days since I last told you how I really felt. You taste the blood when you kiss me, and pretend as if we are okay. We are okay. I will tell myself that we are okay, and maybe one day we will be. Just let your truth shatter my flesh, tear me down, set me free.