To the Best Love I Never Had
Dear Great Man,
When I sit to count my blessings, I count You among my lucky stars. To find someone so selfless, so loving, so kind as you — yet vulnerable, constantly figuring and cautious. A bright blend that drives me to extreme bouts of emotions that pumps the fuel of my adrenaline.
You’ve been the best love that I had, then maybe had, almost had and now never have but how you manage to still make me feel safe and at home with you without you here, I can never fully understand. Like the moon, I’m assured of your light and like the sun, I’m grateful for your warmth. Of how you selflessly spur me on… your eyes ever watching me like satellites from the sky into my universe as you shower me with wonts of goodness and happiness.
There are days when I sit by myself and imagine you beside me — as we have conversations in our 80s like the couple we dreamt of in our afterlife, how we birth children and built a massive library house in the woods for them to grow in. Of the many dinners we had on the patio and the portraits you shot of the scenery just behind our home. Of how we travelled the world and spared it no leftovers of our adventures. Of how you cared ever so deeply for those in need and the nights you spent in bedtime stories of adventures in wonderlands that our children may learn & the children of the world may yearn.
In times like this, I would smile as I gaze upon my emerald ring — the one you proposed to me with and remembered the fear in your eyes as you made me that one promise — I’ll never let you lose track of your dreams. And since then, you’d find every small moment to remind me how proud you were of me. You’d never hesitate to send a word of encouragement or celebrate life with me.
And days like this, when I dream of this perfect life… I run through memory lane and search the nets for you. And I see, fully being, what is before you. Alas, it is then that I discover you have not written. The very one thing you’ve loved. Writing for me, for us, for mankind, for the universe — where is your superpower. The one I loved dearly after your love. Where you bent words to your will and captivated hearts with your way.
And I soon realized that as I was busy with being, I forgot to make you a promise — to never let you lose track of your dreams. I know you may feel you lost your voice but she’s always there within you. And if she’s feeling vulnerable and angry, let her. If she’s feeling sad and bitter, let her. If she’s feeling broken and hurt, let her. For these feelings are life itself neither can life be truly experienced without them. Have you so soon forgotten the greatest of men in life who changed the course of history for revealing their most true self.
So beloved, seek no permission to speak when vulnerable nor vent when angry nor express when you’re sad. You only have to be true to yourself. Never fret to hurt mere mortals whatever the direction of your ink — no matter how vulnerable your words may seem, I’m assured of your kind heart never to intentionally hurt me.
And so while you’re writing, write as the wind on a train to neverland, talk like the oceans deep across the universe and express like the king of the jungle in the far reaches of the safari.
Be assured that as my skin reflect the very fabric of time, I’ll be watching from my nest ever proud that our stars, for a moment in time, crossed. And for this, I’m blessed to have ever known you.
For in reading the words from your heart, is the only way I can remain happy.
Let’s remain In Love For Love.