“Because that’s what love is supposed to be…a sharing of all secrets, a bond forged by absolute trust.”

A reply to Decriminalizing Secrets (https://medium.com/@jdel/decriminalizing-secrets-39179de75cb2), being unable to reply directly. The part quoted set me thinking. Who says its supposed to be like that? The answer appears to be nobody, more that we have moralised it ourselves.

What is the fundamental attribute of love? There are several types of love, but the one we are considering here is that towards a (potential) life partner. In this case it would seem its a very strong attraction to another person. If it is reciprocated, then it is very often the basis for living together. On that point, it would be an often made error to assume that because a couple are living together then they are in love, it may be based on other things, such as a contract, or an agreed arrangment.

Does this attractive force impose things on the person who has it as a condition for having it? No. It is we, or perhaps even religion, that have given it additional attributes, such as were quoted. However, some conditions may be imposed by the other, such as fidelity. Indeed, for a marriage in church, there are vows taken to that effect. Whether the vows are official or private, then they should be respected, no matter what.

In the case of a civil marriage carried out by state official, of the countries in Europe that I know, none require vows, nor do they propose them. In this case only private vows are binding, otherwise you have committed to nothing that is not part of the laws of the land. Those laws are usually only concerned with the provisions for the spouse and the children and eventually inheritance. In France, in recent years, infidelity is no longer grounds for divorce. There is no law that says you must trust your spouse or share secrets.

It seems to me that if people are making assumptions about what is implied in Love, then not only may those assumptions not be identical, but also there will be unexpected problems because of that. The biggest perhaps is expecting to live together, just because you both love each other, because nothing specifies that you should, it is another assumption. How say you?