What a truly terrible thing to have to live with, I’m SO sorry you are afflicted with this! You mention doctors, but not treatment, so I can but assume there is no really effective treament, which seems a little surprising view the psychotic drugs they have nowadays.
So ok, in that case you have to try and find something more effective outside classical medicine. Some things that come to mind that will not do any additional harm, providing they are bona fide practionners, are:- Chinese or tibetan medeicine Acupuncture Reflexology ReiKi- a system of hands on natural healing. This can also be done from a distance and I can do this myself, but I need your permission to do that. It is not as effective as having a direct hands on treatment. You can also be initiated into it yourself. Sophrology — you can be taught to do this, but is more a good method of relaxation for when you are wound up than anything else.
Another way of helping find interior calm is the following. Its a simple sequence of visualisations. First you see yourself going though a lovely garden, one that is aprticualrly pleasing to you. Your arrive at a very ornate doorway that is an access to a lift. You enter this lift and is will start up automatically to go 7 floors up. The floor indications are given by a colour, in fact those of the rainbow and you see them in the same sequence Red, orange, yellow, green indigo, violet.
The lift ascends quite slowly, so you see these colours through the glass side at each flor level. When you get to the top, the dours open automatically and you find yourself in a small changing area to enter a shower. You undress and enter the shower. It is not ,a shower of water, but of soft warm light that is very relaxing. After a little while, you leave the other side and put on the pure white shift that is awaiting and then enter a small, well lit hallway.
This is your own private area, which only you can enter, your sanctuary. You set it up as you like, a nice lounge with a super view, whatever you wish is available, a place for music, whatever. There are two people on call. A man and a woman. You can speak to either or both if you wish and they appear as you wish. They are very wise. You can talk to them and they will listen and propose advise. When it is time to leave it is the reverse process. Your clothes have been cleaned, the lift descends, and then you exit the garden.
It only takes a few times to get used to doing this and then you have a place of your own to relax in when you come back home all stressed or such. To anybody else who is reading this that finds themselves stressed by ‘life’, its ok to use it. You don’t have to be ill as such.
Finally there is a more onerous system of reprogramming your subconscious. Its only onerous in that it has to be carried out 21 days without fail, otheriwse you have to start again. However, I can’t give it out in public, as its too powerful to be used willy nilly by anybody and I would still need to get to know how you got on with the exercise I just described and quite a bit more about you, before I could see if it had relevance.
Please don’t feel alone in your situation. I am here and doubtless others will become available and have good advice. HUGS!