Banana Placement and It’s repercussions
The confusion of banana placement and what it means for the world.
I’m not one to question our corporate overlords. They surely pay more for the layout of their aisles and products then I’ll ever be worth. Everything perfectly organized to catch the eye and further entice me to buy that can of Red Bull and the newest toy to hit the market.
Yet, here I stand(err..well sit and type.)now questioning the big one itself. Walmart why the bananas right at the entrance to the store? You have a fruit section. Don’t deny it, I’ve seen it and I know you have the rest of your bananas there. This question, nay this paradox of the modern age has prompted me to form a series of theories.
- Theory One: There exists a secret cabal of fanatic banana enthusiasts. I wouldn’t come out and say the word Cult. However I would say spiritual obsessives who view the banana as the most powerful creative force in the universe. They have used hidden wealth and power behind the scenes to establish a ready and quick supply of the mystical yellow fruit required for their dark and secretive rituals(most likely involving some sort of group sex, or otherwise lascivious actions.) which they carry out everyday while we go about our common everyday non-cult related shopping. Is that old women with the yellow pin one of them?! Is that teenager in the hoodie experimenting with odd banana based rituals when his parents are out of the house?
- Theory Two: There were numerous complaints from everyday banana consumers(Unrelated to any sort of organized activity.) that they just couldn’t find the bananas. The customer service representatives were so overwhelmed by the amount of banana related questions they staged a coup. Thereby usurping the corporate structure of Walmart and using their new found power to relocate the bananas to the front of the store. They then relinquished power back to the displaced elites leaving only the threat of future revolution to maintain the new banana policy.
- Theory Three: In the secret boardrooms located deep in the nether realms a conversation was had. A conversation about the future of banana placement. A conversation that changed the very fabric of our world. It’s 99.999% likely that it went down like this “The bananas are where!!! People need their bananas. Put those suckers right up front. This country needs to buy more bananas. Do you want to imply that this company is not pro bananas!!” Now I couldn’t say whether the Dark Overlord of Walmart has any sort of religious banana agenda to push,(Perhaps one involving erotic group sex-See theory One.)is just a good ole fan of bananas, is rightfully concerned about our potassium levels, or is simply concerned about customers who have need of an emergency banana.
I can’t quantify how accurate these theories may or may not be(Probably right on the money.) So I urge you all, go out and demand answers! Why are the bananas so close to the entrance? Who has made this decision? Am I correct in assuming it involves a secret order of banana themed sex maniacs.