Emma. Your essay is full of very powerful emotions, so thanks for writing this. But I am shocked at the twisted and egregiously generalized assumptions you apply to men. You may consider the fact (yes, the fact) that men’s inner lives are not anywhere near the way you describe them. We keep trying to say this, but ironically no one will listen. Please sit back and think on that for just a minute.
I would argue that men learn to protect their feelings — not from family or religion, but from their interactions with women. This is nearly 100% of what I hear online and my discussions with other men. The whole “childhood repression” and “it’s all men’s fault” thing should be long dead by now.
You may also want to consider the role your sexual orientation plays into your feelings about men. These things are extremely complex, but all I hear online is that “I was born this way” or “this is socially constructed”.
I hope that the next decade sees the death of these very foolish and limiting assumptions. They are slowly being eliminated by science and open and honest dialogue, but you are not likely going to find that online . The internet does not usually reward honest and open dialogue — it censors and kills it and labels it. So all we are left with is more misunderstanding.
I wish you well.