Imposter Syndrome: Fuck it, Keep Moving.

I came across the song “I lived” when I was having a bit of stress about code boot camp in 2013. I regard this song as a bit of a love letter to myself. With the stress of bootcamp mounting, I wondered if investing in myself and my education would ever actually pay off. I wondered if it was worth the debt I was subjecting myself to by learning to code. I wondered if I would be able to get a job. This period of stress seemed, at the time, to be insurmountable. But I kept climbing, kept pushing, kept moving forward with every setback I came across. I wouldn’t let the world or a situation tell me who I am or my worth. The single promise to move forward always and live fully without regard to predetermined boundries, is one I have made myself and one that I have vowed to never break.

Today I launched my first product as a product manager at my new job and tomorrow marks the first day of development for the single largest product of my career. To say I am stressed at times over this would prove to be an understatement. I have never had so much responsibility. Those same stressors can back that generally boiled down to, am I good enough to make this work? But, the single greatest thing I did day one of learning of this project was tell not only myself but every person I can across that knew of this project that I would “kill it”. Over and over again to my direct bosses, my C level bosses, my friends. This product means a lot to myself and my company and it needs to be done right.

I realized I struggled to become the PM I am today. Constant doubts and what if plagued my thoughts along this 3 year long road from code to PM. Having attained my dream job that I described based off a feeling over 6 years ago is indeed one of the biggest accomplishments I have ever achieved. I realize I’m this process that even with the stress, I fucking love my job. I didn’t fall into my job, I earned it, I was qualified. I am not one to say I am proud of myself or that I have done anything special, I just kept moving forward even when it felt the world was keeping me in a holding pattern. I felt pressure that I imposed upon myself. I needed to do what I tell so many others to do and “own my shit”. I needed to remind myself how I got there. Thank god I have had friends along the way to help me get to where I am and help me remember the journey.

If you are facing imposter syndrome or stressing if you are good enough, know you are. Own your shit. You got this. Your boss will not set you up to fail. I got this job because they believed in me and I got this product because they have seen what I can do and once again believed in me. Believe in yourself. You can do it. Ask for help when you need it but know you are where you are today because of the things you overcame to get there. So fuck it, keep moving.