Late Night Thoughts

So my friends set me up with a boy. Let’s say his name is Sam. He had a girlfriend a couple months before that completely broke his heart. She left him for another guy. So to try and get over her he hoed around. He told our mutual friends that he was tired of hoeing around. He had no idea I existed at this point.

Well our mutual friends introduced us and awkwardly forced us into being near each other. Like they picked up his arm and put it around me. It was awkward as you can imagine. At the end of that day, I wasn’t expecting him to contact me. I felt like he was just going with the flow like I was. But I was wrong. He began snap chatting me and asked me to hang out the next day.

I began to be interested in him, too. We hung out for a few days and he asked me out. And by a few days I mean four. He knew me for a total of four days before he asked to make us official. I said yes even though I hadn’t even really warmed up to him yet because I liked him good enough.

We dated for three weeks after that. Everything was going well and he was flirty. He also told his friends, who are also my friends, about how much he liked me. I thought he was really into me.

Well here’s where I figured things would go wrong. His parents are divorced and he lives with his mom. He had to go visit his dad in a state 14 hours away for two months. So basically the rest of the summer. Long distance is not my thing but since it was temporary, I was willing to deal with it.

So we began our long distance relationship. We snap chatted and texted way more than usual and everything was normal. He acted like he was into me still.

Then one day, I’m at work and I get a big paragraph from him. Basically he said he was breaking up with me and he wishes me the best.

An hour before this, we were snap chatting and he was still acting like he liked me. Then out of nowhere, he decides he doesn’t like me anymore. So this makes me wonder how much of the things he said he actually meant. Like he didn’t only convince me. He had his best friends (our mutual friends) convinced that he was really into me. They were confused when they found out he had broken up with me.

I was the most confused. I hadn’t even processed that he’d actually done that until later that night. I was convinced that he was high or in his feels and he was going to text me any minute. But he never did. And when I realized that it was over, I cried.

It was awful timing, too because that was the day my brother and his girlfriend were coming home from college to visit. So I let it all out, calmed down, covered my puffy eyes with makeup, and visited with my family. I was pretty held together.

But the next morning I was in the living room by myself. I laid my head down on the couch armrest and thought about everything. Then my brother and his girlfriend comes in.

He says, “Why are you so tired, huh? Did you stay up late last night talking to your new boyfriend?”

I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I cried in front of my brother and his girlfriend. I hated every second of it. I told him that we had broken up and he hugged me while I cried. It wasn’t really a sob. It was just me sitting there silently with tears rolling down my cheek.

I went to my room before anyone else could see my embarrassing crying. That’s the thing about me. If I’m sad, I don’t show it if I can help it. The only person I feel comfortable crying in front of is my friend Brent. He’s not the closest friend I have but I feel safe with him for some reason. Anyway, mom and dad thought it was just a clean break and that I was fine. So I didn’t want them to know.

My brother followed me to my room and I finished crying and we talked about him a little bit. I always feel so much better after crying so I was good to go. And I have been fine ever since then.

I had no idea how attached I was to this boy until a few days ago. I was on vacation 6 hours away from home. And of course he happened to be there at the same time I was.

But I wasn’t too worried about it. It was a big city and there’s was little chance I could run into him. But as fate would have it, I see him at a popular teen club. But I don’t just see him. No that wouldn’t be enough to bother me. There he is, not twenty feet from me, dancing on the dance floor with none other than his new girlfriend. And of course his girlfriend is one of my friends.

And it’s not that I didn’t know he and my friend were dating. It’s that I happened to see them dancing, being happy in a city with a population of more than 15,000.

My heart dropped to my stomach, my chest had sharp pains, I started shaking, and I started breathing hard. My friend was next to me so I had to get it together before she realized I was freaking out. I calmed myself down and let out a deep breath.

Here’s where I was stupid. I pointed him and his new girl out to my friend. She is my best friend so obviously she wasn’t about to let me sit there and just watch them.

She says, “Come on, we’re going to talk to them.”

Then I start freaking out again and I beg her to stop. She tells me she’s going with or without me and I wasn’t about to let Sam and his girl think I was too scared to go over there.

So we go over there. Sam instantly looks away and turns to the stage as if he’s listening to the band. Me and my best friend talk to his new girl. His girlfriend is our friend so this isn’t weird or anything.

Except it is because his girlfriend refuses to acknowledge my existence. She wouldn’t even look at me. So the whole conversation is awkward. Finally it’s over and his girlfriend hugs my best friend bye and we walk away.

Later that night I waited on my best friend to fall asleep. When she did, I went on the balcony and called Brent. I told him everything and I cried. He comforted me and I felt better. We ended up talking until 2 that morning. It was nice.

Like I said, crying makes me feel better. So I was up and laughing by lunchtime. Life went on as usual and I was okay.