The Contract of Pregnancy

We can no longer ignore that we have bee conditioned to act and do certain things in our lives by the society we currently live in. Just like most life experiences, you go into pregnancy completely clueless and with a completely misconstrued idea of what it is supposed to be like. Needless to say, the women take on the burden as if it is a right of passage, a way to determine our womanhood, and define our existence.

I beg to differ.

I’m a mother, and I am still the same person I was before I became a mother. I’m still working through some doubts, and trying to figure out who I really am, what is the meaning of life, and what I am truly here for.

Ejecting a baby out of my vagina does not make me a super human or mother Teresa. Or as my mother likes to put it, “you will figure out the meaning of your life by getting married and becoming a mother.” I did all that, and am still scratching my head on what kind of human being I am supposed to be. From being brainwashed my entire life, I honestly expected patience to run through me as the human baby slipped out of my vagina.

So here is a little experience for the ladies with the big bellies. Really think about your values, what matters, and what you need to be able to successfully complete this project you both signed up for, but for some reason women seem to be held responsible for everything related to it.

  1. You cannot go on boys trips and leave me alone with the baby for at least 6 months or until he’s no longer feeding every two hours.
  2. Don’t complain when I order too much food but don’t finish it all in one meal. You know I’m going to eat it all eventually unless I’m sick.
  3. I want foot massages, that should increase with my belly and everyday starting at 30 weeks.
  4. You can’t use your paternity leave to play golf, surf, and start a new project. The baby is our full time project, and unless we are both getting leisure and personal time, neither of us are. We’re in this together.
  5. You must train the baby to take the bottle from early age. That is freedom for me and my boobs. He/she won’t take the bottle from me, because I have delicious milk filled boobs, and he would rather have that instead of a wannabe.
  6. If you take off to do your own thing while my mother is visiting, I should be able to skip out on some family stuff too. For example, you take the kids and go visit your mother while mom goes to the spa.
  7. Don’t argue about every little thing with me. I just made life, and am now sustaining it, have some fucking patience and let things go.
  8. If I sound unreasonable, don’t make me feel like I’m crazy, because I am, but I can’t control it. It is called hormones and we need to study it more. Be supportive!
  9. Being pregnant does not mean I become the designated driver for you and your buddies. Should we go out together, and you want to get wasted, I’ll drive home. Otherwise, don’t EVER ask me to drive you and your buddies and their girlfriends to the bar while I have to sit at home with heart burn, pregnant, and alone.
I’m Not your Mama

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2 girls, fedup with all of your rules and expectations. We happen to be mothers, a life choice we made. Fuck off. THE END.