Yet another year has come and gone. Many things have happened and many things to be learnt. A big thing that I came to realize about myself is that I’m starting to care less (to put it crudely, I learnt that I started to give less fucks about things in general).
Looking back at who I was, I would be the girl who would put in my 110% to show that I was grateful for certain people’s presence in my life- whereby one vivid memory was how I typed long huge paragraphs of messages for at least 20 people, all different and specific to them to wish them a happy new year. In comparison, I just wished a tiny handful of people I knew this year, in the simplest form possible.
There isn’t any wrong in doing that but over the years, I realize that I was kind of stupidly foolish in a sense that I didn’t realize that some of those people weren’t going to be the ones who would stick around. And that whatever I did was.. as harsh as it sounds, I’d like to think of it as time that could have been spent on doing better things.
Because the main thought that strikes me is that, how many of them would actually remember the effort I put in to do these little things- seemingly so “little” but actually very time consuming and thought consuming things? Sure I may have left them with a good memory but it seems insignificant to what is tangible at the moment instead.
Things are different now though, a part of me still wants to juggle many many friendships apart from my closest ones because I truly treasure them but at the same time, it’s tough because I’ve come to the realization that it’s not so simple. Everyone’s (even myself) so caught up with their own things that sometimes even if we want certain friendships to be closer, it’s just hard for the 2 hands to clap.
To put it short, I learnt that I have to get my priorities right, that keeping a small circle of true friends is good enough. That sometimes it’s much more worth it to invest my time, effort and love on quality and true friendships rather than to sacrifice most of that to keep more friends around.
We can never have the best of both worlds, and sacrifices have to be made.
We just have to make the choice.
In my utmost humble opinion, being such a person who has given quite a tad bit for majority of my life, as much as I say that I have learnt to not give two hoots, I find myself still going back to my old ways sometimes, it shows through my actions like paper cracks. Perhaps it’s just something innate that won’t ever leave me.
People will stick around if they want to, without you having to slog your guts out to keep them close. We just have to be smart in identifying who these people are.
Nothing is more important than being around your loved ones.
Simple quote to stick by for many years to come. Hope that 2k16 will be a great one! 😌