Unfortunately, not everything is web browser, so what “back” means in different apps and contexts can take some guessing. Sometimes you’ll try to “back” out of a screen and end up quitting the whole app instead. Good times.
The good news is that there are lots of decent and even great Android-based alternatives that can fit into your nerdy, pixel-perfect, thick-rimmed-glasses, princess-and-the-UX-pea lifestyle.
To be average is to lack purpose in your life. It’s to be apathetic, and to not really believe in anything with enough conviction to sacrifice for it, invest in it, and fight for it.