I hate my job and I love it.

I hate my job and I love it. Sounds contradictory and yeah it is. I do not like what i do, but like the pay I get. For sometime, I thought I was alone, until I read about people leaving better jobs (than mine) and plunging on to the path of their inner call. Though, we get to see and read most about people who have been successful, I guess there are many who are following their heart indifferent to the world view and irreverent to the notion of success or failure.

Personally for me, it bleeds inside of my inside every day morning going to work that I do not enjoy. I am happiest in the evening, when I leave the office. And once, I nearly decided to quit and do something else. My family was not happy with the proposal. I was asked to explain “something” else. I did not have a clear answer, but could give only indications like writing, stock trading, freelancing. They were not convinced. Logically speaking, my family is right and I would probably reacted the same, if I was in their place. Lesson learnt: I am not good at marketing, even marketing myself to my family.

For sometime then, I tried to re-convince myself. Speaking to self, that I should try a little harder and adjust. But that feeling of shallowness never left.

I turned to acquisition of new skills. JavaScript was something that I was curious about, since it formed a part of something I worked earlier : transmitting signals from a sensor to a web browser using websocket. So, I registered for Udacity Nanodegree on Front End Web Development and completed in working in my personal time. I always enjoyed learning and it was a great time. Once I finished the course, I developed a web application using what I have learnt. It was a fun project, never intended to make money out of it.It was for me by me.

With the new enthusiasm of newly acquired skills, I started applying to jobs. Applied to about 25 of them and about 20 of them were kind enough to convey their “regrets for rejection”. Have not heard back from the rest. I have not given up yet. But frustrated. I just wanted to vent out and this article is the result.

I am still sticking to my present job, that I hate but love, because it does not hate me as much as I do.

PS : Keep those comments coming, feel free to criticise/acknowledge/encourage. It helps when you have people responding. Keep it coming.

One clap, two clap, three clap, forty?

By clapping more or less, you can signal to us which stories really stand out.