How I Create Win-Win Situations for Success

Oftentimes, we take our interactions with other people for granted, and that makes it difficult to create win-win situations. When we talk to others, we think about how to get what we want.
Thinking only about yourself destroys long-term relationships and reduces long-term success. However, thinking only about other people and what they want is also detrimental.
Most people don’t know that there is a perfect balance between a selfish interaction and a selfless interaction. This type of interaction is called a win-win situation.
There are many types of interaction mindsets that people fall into when communicating with others. These types of interaction mindsets were coined by successful businessman and author, Steven Covey.
Today I’m going to share these different types of interaction mindsets with you, so you can get a better overall understanding. Then, I’m going to explain how to create win-win situations with the win-win mindset. Finally, I’m going to share the little-known win-win or no deal mindset, the greatest interaction mindset of them all.
Interaction Mindsets Explained
There are 4 basic interaction mindsets. They are: win-lose, lose-lose, lose-win, and win-win.
Let me explain each of them to you so you can begin to recognize them in your daily interactions with other people.
Understanding each is good preparation for creating win-win situations.
Win-Lose
The win-lose mindset is the most common. People with this mindset have the idea that for them to win, another person has to lose. They see life and all it’s interactions with others like a big competition.
People with this mindset make short term gains and may even achieve a fair amount of success. However, the problem with this mindset is that it trades long-term relationships for short-term results.
People with the win-lose mindset have the idea that for them to win, another person has to lose.
For example, your boss could use her authority to pressure you into accepting an unrealistic deadline. Under these conditions, your boss technically “won” the interaction in the short term, since she got you to do what she wanted.
However, the short-term win for your boss came at a price. How do you think you would react to this situation? If I had to guess, you would probably carry out the task as best you could, but you would develop resentment for your boss because of it.
In this scenario, your boss has damaged your relationship with her win-lose mentality. That kind of emotional damage can result in worse communication with your boss, and worse performance by you in the future.
Because the win-lose mentality destroys long-term results, we should recognize and avoid creating win-lose situations when possible.
Lose-Lose
The lose-lose mindset is the most destructive. People with this mindset have the idea that if they can’t win, nobody can. These people will actively sacrifice their own success and happiness simply to spite others.
People with this mindset make no gains in life. They end up broke and miserable, both in the short-term and long-term. They may experience temporary highs from seeing others fail, but that’s about all they gain in life.
People with the lose-lose mindset have the idea that if they can’t win, nobody can.
For example, we hear stories about people who want revenge because they got dumped by their significant others. Instead of moving on, they seek to damage and destroy the other person. They may damage property, or even seek to harm their ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend physically.
The person who got dumped makes a bad situation even worse for themselves in this scenario. They end up paying for damages or getting put in prison. All because they wanted their ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend to suffer.
The lose-lose mentality destroys both short-term and long-term results, so it should never be used.
Many people get into this mentality when they are emotionally charged. Therefore, it’s important to keep your emotions in check when you find yourself in a bad situation.
Lose-Win
The lose-win mindset benefits other people, at the cost of yourself and your needs. People with this mindset have the idea that they will always lose, so they might as well make other people happy.
The lose-win mindset is all about people pleasing. Unfortunately, people with this mindset get used and abused. They becoming stepping stones for others.
People with the lose-win mindset have the idea that they will always lose.
For example, imagine the employee who works very hard for their boss for years, but never gets a substantial raise or promotion. They toil away late into the night, often at great personal sacrifice, all to please their unappreciative boss.
How is this lose-win employee rewarded? The employee gets to watch their boss take all the credit for their great work, while they get no rewards or recognition by the company.
People get stuck in the lose-win mindset when they sacrifice too much for others, without setting boundaries. Often, people in the lose-win mindset think they are in the win-win mindset, but end up getting exploited by others.
Avoid the lose-win mindset by setting personal and professional boundaries. There is nothing wrong with sacrificing for another person, but it can quickly get out of hand if you don’t set solid boundaries.
Win-Win
The win-win mindset is the ideal interaction mindset. Win-win is about benefiting everyone involved in the interaction.
People with this mindset think hard about how they can meet both their own needs and the needs of others, simultaneously.
The win-win mindset is about benefiting everyone involved in the interaction.
For example, picture the employee who streamlines a production process for work that needs to be done everyday by everyone on her team.
Let’s say her streamlined process improves everyone’s productivity by 50%. The employee’s boss is very happy. She gets a promotion, and everyone on her team gets a bonus. Everyone wins.
Although this example is overly simplistic, you’d be surprised with how many opportunities there are to create win-win situations in your work and personal life.
When we adopt a win-win mindset, we not only achieve our goals, but we help others achieve their goals. This builds strong and positive relationships with other people, which leads to even more success.
How to Think Win-Win and Create Win-Win Situations
Now that I’ve taught you about the different interaction mindsets, I want to teach you how to go about creating win-win situations for yourself.
The first step is to become aware of the different interaction mindsets that people in your life tend to fall into. This will help you as you guide them to the win-win mindset.
Next, you want to focus on placing yourself in the win-win mindset. You can do this by asking yourself the following questions:
“What do I want out of this interaction?”
“What does the other person want out of this interaction?”
“Can I get the other person what they want in a way that doesn’t cross my boundaries?”
Answering the questions above will pull you into the win-win mindset as you try to balance your needs with the other person’s.
After you feel like you’re thinking win-win, look to understand the other person’s perspective and needs first.
As Steven Covey would say, “seek first to understand, then to be understood”.
When you fully understand the other person and their perspective, try to frame your needs to fit that perspective.
The golden rule of communication: seek first to understand, then to be understood.
Example: Creating a Win-Win Situation at a Job Interview
Let’s say you want a programming job and are at an interview for that job. You don’t want to start with asking the interviewer what the company can do for you and your career, because that’s win-lose.
You want to ask the interviewer about the kind of candidate they are looking for. That’s seeking to understand their perspective first.
The interviewer says that they are looking for a candidate who has 5 years of experience with Java, the programming language. They also want someone who can demonstrate the ability to learn quickly, on the job.
Now that you understand what the interviewer wants, you can start describing the services you can provide that fit into his perspective.
You can talk about the projects that you programmed using Java in the past. You can share stories of situations when you were faced with a steep learning curve, but succeeded anyway.
The interviewer is delighted that he found a perfect fit for the company.
Now that he knows you want to genuinely benefit him and the company, he asks you about what you’re looking for in terms of salary and career growth.
Let’s say that you disagree on the proposed salary. Because you established the interaction by showing you understand the interviewer’s perspective, you now have social leverage.
The interviewer is now much more likely for open and honest discussion about your compensation, and is more willing to compromise.
After some discussion, the two of you come to an agreement, and you land the job with a salary you are happy with. The interviewer, who is your new boss, is happy to have found a good candidate who was willing to put his own perspective aside to meet the desires of the company.
That’s a win-win situation.
Imagine if you went into the interview only thinking and talking about what you want and what you think is important to the interviewer.
The interviewer would have had an entirely different impression of you and your abilities. If you spent the entire time talking to the interviewer about skills he found irrelevant, you might not have even gotten the job.
Win-Win Situation or No Deal
As a bonus, I want to introduce a variation of the win-win mindset, the win-win or no deal mindset.
As you’re practicing win-win situations, you might find yourself defaulting to win-lose or lose-win unintentionally.
That’s okay to do occasionally, but there’s a better solution. If you can’t create a win-win situation with someone, opt for a “no deal”.
No deal means that you end the interaction without any exchange of value happening. You don’t gain or lose anything, the other person doesn’t gain or lose anything.
Win-win or no deal allows you to walk away from an interaction without harming yourself or your relationship with the other person.
Creating win-win situations is tough, so win-win or no deal will not always be possible. However, it’s something to keep in mind.
If you can’t create a win-win situation, opt for no deal.
Conclusion
Now that you understand the different interaction mindsets, it’s up to you to recognize them.
I’ve taught you how to create win-win situations, so try to use the win-win mindset in both your personal and work life.
You’ll notice incredible short-term and long-term results by doing so.
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Originally published at www.innerconqueror.com on August 2, 2017.
