Smashing the ESC button while having a mental breakdown
Later this afternoon I was just randomly pushing my ESC button a lot (like a lot a lot) mental breakdown style trying to escape something kind of feeling( so poetically cheesy)
Its ironic how I was quite optimistic during the start of the pandemic cause naturally I was a bit introverted(my base nature it seems). Just the thought of playing videogames with my friend's is just really what I thought about that. But as a normal person Ill be honest I think about life and the “whys” more rather than a person who goes to experience life like a fucking psycho and just FUCK IT YOLO. I think everyone can relate who has some or even little knowledge of existentialism that its fucking depressing knowing we dont matter in a greater grand scheme of life or is it?
Having an entertainment patterns regarding intelligent ( or just use some thinking to understand those subjects) subjects doesn't even really help LOL it just makes you more aware of ones situation and how depressing it is to live in this pandemic specially living it through the eyes of a person who lives in a third world country ( Philippines is a hell holeeeeee). But still watch exurb1a in YouTube, that guy gives existential dread in the most entertaining way possible.
Sleep is a lot like dying, really, isn't it? — exurb1a
Plus the fact that I watched this masterpiece Bo Burnham really hits deep on how the anxiety of being 23 going 24 is really hitting me hard. Don't get me wrong being thankful for having things that other deemed as privilege is obviously wonderful and you should be thankful for it. But on the other hand having quite lofty goals keeps has weird bitter taste of not having enough. I was always a person who has an attitude to give more than I received as per the way Iwas a raised it is a unselfish act. But then again it is redundantly stupid to do that base on my logical sense of being that people are horrible social creatures. We are selfish(beyond even the ounce of human comprehension kind) or I just haven't met people like me or just bad luck. I would like to end this while having a breakdown on a girlfriend that im not quite sure even likes me at this point HAHAHAH.