In a previous post, I shared how the Daily Risk Challenge helped improve my confidence. And I highly recommend it!
It was the Daily Promise Challenge that came first, and really improved my self-worth. These promises, albeit small ones, had my self-worth skyrocketing. And that was something I did not expect going into this. In this post, I’ll explain how I assigned daily promises to myself for personal growth and unexpectedly boosted my self-worth.
If you are looking for the Daily Promise Journal, it’s out now on Amazon →
How Did This Come About?
While working with a personal coach, I realized for the first time that I had very little self-worth (also known as self-esteem or self-value). In fact, it often felt like zero to me. We made headway in many areas, but whenever I met someone that seemed to have a healthy dose of self-worth, the contrast felt very stark. How do they have so much, and where did they get it?
My coach often told me that self-worth came from within, and that simply made no sense to me as I felt like I was looking at an empty well. He said something to the effect that “it isn’t empty; the cover is on the well.” My mind was blown. 🤯
In a conversation with my coach about integrity, we discovered that I had a very high rate of accomplishment when it came to upholding promises I made to others. If I said I would show up at 2pm, I did, always, no matter what. But, if I made a promise to myself, it was often (and easily) broken. And since self-worth is the subjective evaluation an individual holds about themselves, which significantly influences their thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and interactions with others, I realized I was deeply out of integrity with myself.
So, I decided to make a promise to myself each morning, and follow through with it, no matter what the day held. I had no idea what I was about to blow wide open in myself.
What Happened During the Daily Promises?
What I felt from this came very fast, and hit me very hard. I was not prepared. I also want to be careful in that your experience will most definitely vary from mine. Take this as a glance into my journey, and it should not be a comparison.
The first day I promised to download the new Halo game on Xbox. (Wait, what? Yeah, a promise is a promise, and they do not have to be complex or difficult. More on that in a bit.) I wrote down “I promise to download Halo Infinite.” And later that day I did. It was physically easy, but as someone that chronically deferred virtually everything that served me in lieu of serving others, I found myself putting it off and starting to make excuses. Nothing happened yet.
Later that night, as I was going to bed, I looked at the Daily Promise list I started, and made a little check next to it. I went to bed and thought about the whole activity of this promise, and it hit me very hard. I had “promised” to do something for myself. And I did it, within the timeframe. Something in that simple gesture had me feeling better than I had felt in YEARS.
With each daily promise, I gained more and more trust in myself to do things for myself. And each time I did something for myself, I felt the cover of the well open wider and wider.
What Kinds of Things Did I Gain From Doing Daily Promises?
I am proud to say that I never failed to keep a promise to myself in the 30 days I did the exercise (then transitioned to the Daily Risk Challenge). Here are some of the stand-out improvements I gained from doing the Daily Promise Challenge:
- I feel happier. The happiness was different, like the kind I felt when I guessed something right, 5 times in a row. Like, a “whoa, I got this!” kind of feeling.
- I feel taller. I still remember the day I walked out of my bedroom one morning and thought “why are all the pictures in my living room lower?” It felt that surreal. I felt about 5 inches taller. And that feeling still hits me when I really treat myself.
- I feel magnetic. I call them “magnetic days”, and it happens when I am centered, calm, and walking in my own power. I start to notice people across the street or in stores take long looks at me, in that “whoa, who is this guy?” kind of look. You may have seen those kinds of people yourself.
- I take on bigger challenges. This also had me trusting myself enough to take on bigger challenges at work, and in my personal life. Again, this helped me build the self-worth I needed to start online dating in a healthy way.
- My people-pleasing started to wane, rapidly. I liked to joke that I had a double-PhD in people-pleasing. Not a good trait, let me tell you. As I developed more self-worth, I started to notice that it took away much of the energy I put toward people-pleasing, and that was a fantastic feeling! Now when I do things for others, I get a deep satisfaction from it, unlike the hollowness I used to feel while in people-pleasing mode.
How to Do the Daily Promise Challenge
All you need is a pen and paper (or journal. Or text a friend. More on that below.) You are going to write down the promise you are going to make to yourself for the day, and place it in a spot where you can see it, then come back to it before bed. I used one piece of paper and just kept adding to the list so that I could see them all together at the end of the month.
- In the morning, you are going to come up with a promise to yourself that day, then write it down. Write it in pen, because you are owning this and not changing it!
🔵 My first daily promise was to download Halo Infinite video game. A new game from a franchise I really enjoyed playing. - The rest of the day is to do what you promised yourself. You can do it within the hour, or later on, but, you need to complete it before you fall asleep that night.
🔵 I fired up the Xbox and downloaded the game. A few minutes later I was playing it, and having a blast. - Reflect on your accomplishment — this is the most important step! It’s one thing to come up with a promise, another to do it. But, without taking a moment or three to sit down and recognize that you 1) did what you said you would do, and 2) completed it, it’s all for naught. Without stating it is a “promise” and taking time to reflect, it’s basically a to-do list.
🔵 I would revisit my list, and put a check next to the line item signifying I attempted it, and reflect on how it made me feel (more on that below.) - Now, repeat 1–3 daily for at least 30 days straight. Every single day. Again, to start, the promises should be small and approachable. It’s the repetition and reflection that will have you improving.
My Rules for Daily Promise Challenge
In setting this up, I added a few rules to help me put some guardrails on it. You do you, but I found this helpful in creating promises that were setup for success:
- The promises would not involve any other person. This was me doing something for me, and if I had to rely on someone else, there was a chance it could not be completed. (Later on, your promises may likely involve another person.)
- The promises could be completed within the waking hours. If it was something that took longer, then the promise would be written for just the part that happens within the day. “I promise to submit the application for Space Camp.”
- The promises would be something that brings me joy. If we are doing work on our insides, let’s at least enjoy it! One of my promises was “I promise to get rid of three things.” Another was “I promise to make hot chocolate.”
What Are We Getting from Doing Daily Promises?
In step 1, you are exploring your Self
You are going to be rooting around for things that you want to do for yourself. If you are interested in this challenge, it is likely because you know you tend to put others before yourself. Time for you, now! And time to show yourself that you can show up for yourself. As I said above in my Hinge prompt: There is no way to properly show up for someone if you can’t properly show up for yourself.
Tips for coming up with a daily promise:
- Start small and approachable, working your way up over time.
- Start with things that you know you can complete, and have a low chance of failure.
In step 2, you are actively pleasing yourself
This is about completing the promise to yourself. You are looking to please yourself — “self care” anyone? — just as you have been doing for others for so very long. Look back on the last time you did something for someone else, and the pleased look on their face. You are aiming to have that same pleased look on your face after you complete the promise. (I know I did after I made myself hot chocolate, because it had been so long and was so damn good!)
In step 3, you are reflecting on your growth
If it went well or poorly, that is not the most important thing right now (can be later in the challenge). Again, we are working on exercising our ability to come up with promises to ourselves and complete them. Think about things like “how much did that mean to me?”, “how did I feel before, during and after it?” This can be a great journaling exercise (see below).
The first night I reflected on my promise of downloading the video game, I was shook. It was a simple gesture, but as I lay there going to bed I felt more powerful, happier, and couldn’t wait to do the next one. I was also feeling a bit incredulous, like “really? It was so simple and small” Yeah, and every small promise thereafter had me feeling:
- I really can do the things I promised myself.
- I can make myself happy doing things for me.
- I can bring back some of that energy I have been freely giving away.
- OMG, I forgot how good hot chocolate is!
All of this has led to more self-worth, one promise at a time.
The Journaling / Texting Variant
While I got value out of this as a running list of promises because I liked to see them stack up and get checked off, I can see a lot of value in journaling, and even texting with a friend or accountability partner.
The Daily Promise Journal
For this, take a page and write your promise at the top, with the word “promise” in there. “Today, I promise to re-pot the succulent.” After you complete it, journal about your experience. Be sure to cover all three steps so that you can explore how and why you chose that promise, how it made you feel while attempting it, and what movement you experienced in your growth.
If you weren’t able to perform the promise, journal about why and how that happened. I feel there is still value in that.
If you are looking for the Daily Promise Journal, it’s out now on Amazon →
The Daily Promise Text
For this, find a friend or accountability partner where you both set a time to text each other your daily promise. A one-liner should suffice: “Today, I promise to re-pot the succulent.”
Before you go to bed, you can send each other a followup such as a green checkmark ✅, or perhaps a few lines on how you felt about completing the promise. Hold each other accountable by noticing if the other did not check in, and ask “how can I support you in completing your promise?” You are not looking to do it for them, but see if there is some emotional support you can give.
In Summary
Assigning and completing daily promises for personal growth is a powerful way to transition from a people-pleaser and take back that energy you have been giving to others. It’s time to honor yourself, practice self-care, and show yourself that you really can trust yourself to do what you said you would do. After-all, you have been doing it for others splendidly, so why not do it for yourself now? Embrace the journey of personal growth, one daily promise at a time, and I assure you that your life will change, trust in yourself will grow, and you will discover capabilities in yourself you never knew existed.
Get the Journal
You can do this exercise with a single sheet of paper. But, if you would like to share this exercise with a friend, give as a gift, or have a way to capture your work on each promise so you can revisit it as you go, the Daily Promise Journal is out now on Amazon.
