John Oliver DESTROYS Donald Trump with Beam of Blinding Light from Ancient Amulet
Real estate mogul and “yuuuge” liar Donald Trump has been practically unstoppable this election. After months of failed efforts and botched campaigns, there’s nothing that can stop Trump’s march towards the GOP nomination. Or at least, that’s how it seemed — until last night.
On a segment of his show Last Week Tonight, John Oliver finally stepped up to the plate and absolutely OBLITERATED Donald Trump with a beam of blinding light unlike anything that we or any mortal being has ever seen.
To highlight the inconsistencies in Trump’s public statements, John Oliver’s team did some digging around the ancient Sun Temple in Kashmir and found something that “the Donald” can’t be too happy about — a mythic amulet imbued with the destructive powers of the Hindu Sun-god Martan. Cutting satirist that he is, Oliver just couldn’t resist using the divine talisman in another one of his epic takedowns.
After a hilarious opening monologue gag with Game of Thrones hunk Kit Harrington, Oliver suddenly turned to the camera and began slowly rubbing his fingers across the mysterious amulet hanging around his neck. “Drumpf, Drumpf, Drumpf,” he chanted in a low voice. Always eager to play along, the crowd began to chant in unison, clapping to the beat of a primordial instinct that had lay dormant within them for centuries. “DRUMPF, DRUMPF, DRUMPF,” they shouted, as an odd, ethereal glow began to emanate from the mythic totem.
That’s when the talk show host REALLY turned up the heat. Soon, Oliver’s entire body was bathed in a sickening green energy, and his eyes were replaced with two shining orbs that invited onlookers to perish in their unfathomable depths. As quickly they had started, Oliver and his audience abruptly ceased their chant. Then, after several seconds of eerie silence, the uproarious limey opened his mouth again.
“Ma Nisada pratishtam tvamagamah shasvatih samah,” he boomed in a deep voice that did not belong to anyone or anything from this plane of existence. “Yatkrauncha mithunade kamavadhih kamamohitam!”
With that, the amulet began to tremble with malevolent energy, and a tremendous beam of searing light shot directly through the ceiling of his New York City and into Trump’s body at a Newark, New Jersey campaign speech, INCINERATING the loudmouthed reality star on impact. His remains — and his dignity — are nowhere to be found.
And just to rub things in, Oliver laughed maniacally for an uninterrupted thirty minutes before a pregnant woman crawled onstage on her hands and feet and gave birth to a live fish, marking the end of yet another highly irreverent and deeply unsettling episode.
Bye bye, Drumpf! As if we needed another reason to love John Oliver.