Death is a Reality of Life
My two dogs were my best friends. Loyal to their core. Always following me around as I went for adventures in the forest. Protecting me from any harm. Waiting by my side when I stood still. Playing chase and tag with me to lift my spirits. Providing great cuddles despite them sometimes being wet and slobbery. Though I did not really mind for my dogs were one of a kind.
I will never forget that morning on Christmas Eve. I was out with my dad, waiting in the car before we were ready to head home. I was excited for Christmas and couldn’t wait to get back. An old neighbour approached to inform us our dogs had died. After I heard those words all sounds around me went silent. I was now frozen and in absolute shock. I spoke no words on that awkward and excruciating drive home. The world outside the car window looked lifeless; nothing out there now caught my eye. We arrived home to my mum and older brother in tears. I couldn’t even shed one. As my dad attached the trailer to the Pajero and we all drove into the State Park to fetch our beloved dogs, the air felt heavier to breathe. I noticed the colours all around me were less vibrant than I had remembered. There was a dread now to these woods, the light appearing gloomy through the trees. As we continued driving further on this dirt road my mum described how she walked the dogs here earlier and how they would not go on with her. She ran to get my older brother who witnessed their departing. He struggled to say how he looked into their eyes all glassy, as he watched the life slowly leave them. I still spoke no words. I was numb to all I heard and then I saw them as we approached.
They were laying there motionless on the ground, not making any sound. Dad lifted them onto our trailer. Their bodies were already stiff. We drove back home and buried my two best friends in our yard. The sounds of the birds that day felt melancholy and bleak. We later discovered they had been poisoned, but to this day the mystery remains as to how or why? It didn’t really matter in the end as it wouldn’t change the fact that they were now gone forever. Little did I know back then that my childhood had ended on that day. My heart was broken, though I showed no signs of this truth. That night I did not weep; I was unable to. Instead I just retreated deeper into myself. The magic and hope in the world had disappeared. The reality of the harshness and cruelty of life made itself properly known. I finally understood in that moment the gravity of the fact that we were all going to die. Everything disappears. There is no escaping this truth. It’s better for me not to get too close to anyone moving forward, to mitigate this pain when death arises. At least that was the contract I had now signed on a sub-conscious level. For the years that passed I became more distant, strong and stoic. Not showing any form of heightened emotion. The happiness, fun, and pleasure of life seemed more like a distant dream.
It took me decades to heal from that devastating day. It had changed something in me forever. Something lost that I was endlessly trying to rediscover. Putting all the pieces of me gradually back together, so I could reconnect with my innocence once again. As we get older and bolder, it becomes clearer that nothing lasts forever. Everything is in constant change. People are dying as new babies are being born. The cycle of nature continues beyond anyone’s control. Yet it hurts so bad when we lose those who are closest to us. Never to be seen in the flesh again. Though we can still feel them in our presence at times, as we hold onto our memories and dreams. It is our stubborn attachment to our lives and the people in them however, which causes our greatest suffering. When we are not open to inevitable change, we become stuck in the past and remain unable to live in this moment. Death in our lives is a heavy burden we all share. It cracks us wide open and changes us eventually for the better, if we let it. It should be celebrated, not shamed. Understood, not suppressed. For death and life do not exist without the other. They are inseparable. For every ending a new beginning occurs. Our fear of death makes us susceptible to being easily manipulated, controlled, and paralysed to take action in our life.
What we really fear the most is change itself, all throughout our lives. As we change and grow a part of us dies forever. When we evolve and let go, a new part of us is born from within. Death is simply a walking through the door and leaving our vehicle to experience anew. A transformation to begin a new chapter. Many of us don’t like the impermanent nature of this life, but death is what makes life possible. Without death we wouldn’t even exist as we are now. Death is what gives life its meaning. Without death, life would be uneventful, insignificant, stagnant, motionless, and without purpose. It should be revered, not feared. It is the greatest gift we have been given in this life, for death allows us to discover and remember who we really are. To uncover what we are doing here and where we are heading. To comprehend and be grateful for this existence bestowed upon us all.
