Honest to myself

Guess it’s near impossible to be objective about ourselves. We always tend to bend the truths to fit our perspective, our belief, our view of the world.

Man, I used to party to this song a lot. And by party I mean get a drink, drink a bunch, get drunk and then drink some more. Goodness knows how many mornings I couldn’t recall the night before… even quite recently. But I’d just dismiss any concerns with “Yeah, I have this weird issue while drinking where I’m still perfectly fine, but I just loose chronology, and so can’t remember things. No big deal.” I’d attend events with free beer, drink more than my share, then gather people for a pub visit, and if I happened to miss my bus on the way home, I’d just pop into another pub for a night cap… In retrospect, it feels quite ridiculous that I had myself believe this is normal.

Now of course many people are happy with a glass of wine on Fridays, a beer occasionally, but that never cut it for me. Once in a while I would gather my strength and manage to keep check on the alcohol, alternate drinks with water, but most of the time I just sucked at this whole moderation thing. I guess I enjoyed the buzz, the light headedness too much.

Last June I was suddenly hit by the realisation, that I simply have to quit. Probably the biggest kick came from one of the entries from the Promethease DNA result, because it made me feel like I’m not in control, that this whole thing was out of my hands.

The DRD2 TaqIA A1/A2 version causes less dopamine receptors. Doesn’t learn from mistakes well. Reduced response to errors and increased addictive behavior.
…Slightly increased risk of alcoholism and smoking addiction.

Now if I’m anything, it’s defiant, and so I jumped to the opportunity to give my “increased risk of addiction” the middle finger, … and that was 7 months ago. It took but a couple weeks to shake the urge to grab a beer on a Friday night, or to get a buzz at the next after-work, and since then it’s been easy sailing. Looking back today, it’s perfectly clear, that while I may not have been a typical alcoholic, I definitely had a drinking problem, and it feels incredibly good to have beaten it!

Happy New Year!