My Halloween Existence

I love holidays, I’m the girl who puts out obnoxious holiday mats at the front door and changes all my kitchen towels based on the holiday. I decorate for hours, make holiday lists, and put together last minute get togethers… even if ONLY 4people show up for my Ugly Sweater Christmas Party. (Without ugly sweaters…… Si, Jenn, Ash, & E.)

In the last year, I haven’t been myself on holidays. I’m sure we’ll get into that in future posts, but I have zero excitement. Nothing. I’m a dud. The grinch who stole Christmas, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and even Columbus Day.

I spent the past 2 weeks watching Halloween flyers fly across texts and instagram posts. Everytime I saw one I would roll my eyes, and anytime anyone would ask “What are you doing for halloween?” I would say nothing and use the excuse I discovered no one ever combats. “I dont have any money for a good costume.” I thought I was in the clear, PHEW! I would be able to escape another Holiday I used to so dearly treasure.

Anyhow I finally ended up caving & I spent all weekend trying to put together a “cost effective” costume, because I was so busy telling the world I wasn’t going out because I didn’t want to buy one. I locked myself into a homemade costume. After hours of pintrest, 1 truly tragic visit to Party City (The day before Halloween), and questioning every friend in my address book, I settled on Dead Presidents. Yeah I know, top 5 Black costumes of… well, EVER. Whatever, it was going to be easy, and I was going to look HOT!

Last night before bed, I laid out my costume like it was the first day of school and for the first time in a while, I was excited. I was excited to dress up, to drink, to laugh, to be out having fun. This was going to be awesome.

Cut to…. Today. Halloween Morning. I woke up to a text from a friend suggesting maybe I should change my costume. Huh? Why? It’s perfect. I even tested the face paint last night. BOOM!

(or maybe “bulup” how does an iMessage sound?”)

A photo of my ex boyfriend and his new, now pregnant, wife in the exact costume laid on on my floor. No. No way. All of a sudden, I was bummed. I hate to admit it, as much as I want the whole world to believe I’m this strong, independent woman who has been able to “rise like a phoenix.” I’m just human.

All of a sudden, doubt crept in, why am I even doing this? Halloween is so stupid. This costume idea is STUPID. This isn't creative. We share so many friends in common, this is going to make me look so petty. UGH! I hate life. Fuck it. I’m not going out tonight.

That quick, in 1 message, I started to doubt everything. My Whole Halloween Existence.

I’ll be honest, I lamented for a few hours. I then started thinking about everything that happened that weekend, how I pulled myself out of a funk & got it together for Halloween. It wasn’t fair to MYSELF to just say forget it. It also wasnt fair to MYSELF to rearrange my day to create a new costume, sooooooo HERE IT IS. Me. I dont care what anyone has to say or think about this, because guess what I made ME happy.

So there, yeah… Welcome. Welcome to “I Live An Incredible Life, Based on A Series Of Unfortunate Events.” A look into my world, as I see it. My mind’s assesment of my life, as it stands. My opinions, random thoughts, perspective on current events, and honestly just anything I feel like writing about.

I invite you to join the conversation and reflect, rewind, and be renewed. :)