My Body is Not My Enemy, Learning to Live with Chronic Illness
realizing we fight together
As I sit here I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude. It’s not because I am feeling well. I am not having such luck there, unfortunately. At this moment I am dealing with nausea and my stomach is weak. It is as though I am hungry but if I eat there are severe consequences.
My appreciation comes from being able to bare this.
I am uncomfortable but I am alive. I am functioning, maybe not at my best, but I am doing. Chronic illness is a constant, there are rare breaks, for the most part we are always trying to manage.
I can get mad. Believe me, there are times I want to throw my hands up and stop continually battling these invaders. I get upset, the anger often takes hold, why can’t I win? I feel sadness, wondering if I will ever be more than a shadow of myself. I grieve, because it can feel impossible to balance.
I feel lost, unworthy, and guilty. All these emotions consume me, they cause so many mental battles, knowing the only choice I have is to deal.
I hate being at the mercy of anything.
I thrive in control, knowing what’s next, planning. Chronic illness has forced me to…
