The Boundaries Created By Chronic Illness
I don’t get to choose but I can try
It seems like I never can get the boundaries of my conditions correct. How much can I do? What is too much? When should I rest? Is it okay to push to do more? There never seems to be a factual balance. What I am able to do changes by the day, from moment to moment. The continual need to listen to my body gets frustrating. There is no get up and go, no spontaneity, it’s planning. I am at the constant mercy of my chronic illnesses.
There is never a time I am not thinking of the havoc that my invaders will ensue.
The attempt to pursue life with vigor while balancing the demands of the beast that reside within me.
I am not in control but I am able to live fully within my abilities. It is clear limits exist but that does not mean my life has to stop. Although, there are times all I can do is rest.
Learning that not doing anything was okay took a long time. We are taught to hustle and be busy. It is normal to have a lot on our plate and be overwhelmed. To many people that equals living life. However, that perspective was a forced change when my health declined.
There was no more doing several things in one day. I didn’t get a day. At my…
