Turmoil.

Life’s turmoil doesn’t get any easier to deal with. In return, I’m given the ability to work through the negatives to get positive boundaries. Pushed by pain or fear, and right now, I’m pushed by both.
Yet so many blessings through these storms. Thank God my God reigns supreme through any rain.
There was a time when I didn’t want to see anymore time and I wanted my life to play like movie credits. End it all and end anything that I had put myself in debt with. Square up my agony and stand on the edge of them ledges. Heath Ledger I led to. Robin Williams I pledged too.
I look at the plate in front of me and question if I can chew it all. Should I do it away with everything? Say screw it all? There’s a lot going on, a lot of negatives but the positives keep me here. The turmoil can’t last forever and neither can I.
My Grandfather said “I’ll be glad when I’m gone” and I haven’t been the same since. I haven’t seen myself since. Losing him, I’ll lose a lot and likely lose all my sense. He helped me out when I was on my last cent. Earthly presence turning to absence, inevitably, heaven-sent.
