Church Membership: the original “You Can’t Sit With Us”

“You can’t sit with us”, a phrase made famous by the 2004 movie, “Mean Girls”, in which a girl was told to leave a group of friends sitting at a cafeteria table, for wearing track pants…on a Monday!

It’s what bullying and self-righteousness looks like in its most stripped-down and uninspired form.

It’s what the disciples did with the kids who approached Jesus.

It’s what Peter did with the Gentiles, before Paul called him on it.

It’s what you and I do to every person who don’t speak, dress, or believe like us. It’s high-school all over again.

And the church is all too guilty of it!

In fact, the church and it’s “membership” tradition is- in my opinion- the founders of “You Can’t Sit With Us”; the O.G of hashtag #YCSWU.

Don’t get me wrong. I FULLY believe in the local church, and its place in the world. I’m a member of a fantastic, growing, caring local church.

I also take real serious the words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 12 and Romans 12. That we as the church are members of Christ’s body, I have no doubt about. Because, I believe we can do more together than what we can do alone. And the local church provides the platform for doing more, together.

It was in the local church that I got saved a couple of months after being released from prison; it was in the local church that I was discipled, fed- physically and spiritually; it was there that I received guidance for my journey, and healing from my hurts.

But it was also in a local church that I was told I can’t get the job, because the church never had a person of colour on leadership staff, and that it might be good for me to first become a member of the church, and perhaps be promoted from within.

While there are many reasons and arguments FOR belonging to a church, as a member, I wonder that it hasn’t created a culture of exclusivity, much like FNB with its Platinum Card Slow Lounges, or Virgin Active, with its Kauai restaurants. A culture of, “you’re in, but if you REALLY want to be in, you’ll sign up as a member, for the ‘premium package’”.

There’s nothing wrong with belonging to something. Belonging is, after all, deep in our DNA as humans. The problem is when that belonging comes at a cost. When that belonging make others feel more marginalised, more ostracised, and more rejected than what they’ve ever been.

As someone who’ve spent a great deal of my younger days on the outer side of cool, I can identify with how some people see “church membership”. That it’s just another way of saying, “you’re not welcome”. Also, I’ve been to enough churches, as a visitor, to know that after service I’ll have to sit and drink coffee alone, with my phone in hand, pretending to be texting, because no one will approach me.

While there are many reasons and arguments- biblically and otherwise- FOR belonging to a church, as a member, I cannot help but wonder whether it has created a culture of exclusivity, much like FNB with its Platinum Card Slow Lounges, or Virgin Active, with its Kauai restaurants.

I wish Jesus had something to say about “church membership”, even though it wasn’t even His idea that we meet in one building, at a specific time and day, for an hour, and do it for 30 years.

He did, however, spoke, and live, a great deal about connecting with those on the outside. In fact, He strongly and overtly condemned those on the “inside” about their treatment of those NOT part of the crew, NOT signed up, NOT checking all the boxes.

Wait. there’s more. He even went as far as to wine and dine with the non-members. What a disgrace of “church member” the Son of God would’ve been, right?!

Because COMMUNITY trumps MEMBERSHIP. Community says you are loved, accepted, and cared for, period. Memberships says you have to adhere to the following, or else…

Because membership is about the preservation of the organisation and its structures. Community is about the growth of the people inside of it- no matter which boxes they’ve ticked or not. It’s about you being accepted into the space as broken and weird and heavy-laden as you are- wearing your track pants on a Monday.

Recently, two people were jokingly called “church adulterers” by a pastor, because they were baptised in his church, but were serving in a ministry at another church. It’s almost as if the God he believes in can ONLY have you work for Him in one place; as if God can only use you where you are a member, or where you were baptised.

For what it’s worth, let it be known that I’m not advocating people leaving their churches to sit at home and be Christians on their couches.

But I am making people aware that it’s OK to NOT want to become a signed up member of a church, as long as you GROW in COMMUNITY with others. Don’t forsake the gathering of the saints, is the encouragement from the writer of Hebrews.

Churches, for the love of God (pun intended), give people a seat at the table, without asking for their signature on a paper.

grace & peace.

*P.S. these views expressed are NOT that of my church, whom I love. It’s my own, and I’m open for a conversation regarding any disagreements.