Here is to my single girlfriends! Stop worrying, be awesome and shine!
The logical implication of boyfriends, unicorns & social inequality.
When I talk to my single girlfriends the conversation often focuses on our boyfriends. The problem is that our boyfriends are like unicorns. They don't exist. Yet, they seem to be the reason many single girls, despite their awesomeness and successful lives feel down from time to time just because they haven’t found the one. And they shouldn't. They deserve much better.
If [boyfriends are like unicorns and don’t exist](p), [you don't have a problem](q).
The problem is complicated even if it seems to be a “unicorn problem” . One that doesn't exist but we can still see it. Single people feel social ostracism in way too many aspects of their lives.
p->q=F: “ Houston, we have a problem! “
A few years back I was madly in love. When I lost it I built a wall around my heart not letting anyone in. It felt like my heart froze. I have met nice guys, yet I couldn't break the ice. The pain, the rejection, the confusion, everything just paralyzed me. I couldn't move, I couldn't focus. Nothing made sense. Fortunately, at some point I “woke up” and started fighting for myself. As a result I went on some great adventures and achieved amazing things. Of course it would be way more fulfilling to share it with someone but I decided to stay single. Many of my friends asked me why I did’t date and my answer always was: “I don't want to”. The true answer though was that I didn't want to go through the same pain again. I didn't want to invest my time and effort into something that may hurt me again. I simply protected myself and my energy. I prefered to use it to fulfill my professional goals.
Some of my girlfriends have decided similarly to me. This was our choice, a reasonable decision based on many circumstances. And it has worked. My girlfriends rock. They travel, they get their Master’s and PhD’s, they work for international companies, they broaden their horizons, yet, according to many, that is something that should be condemned or laughed at (if you saw the “strong independent woman” memes you know what I am talking about).
In many societies being a single female before 30 is not easy. We are pressured to feel guilty that we haven’t gotten married yet. We are pressured to feel guilty that we want to do something more, see something more, experience something more before we settle down.
I am talking about this issue because I can see many of my wonderful girlfriends struggle. We women like thinking long term and we want to meet that right guy. But we don’t want to feel like like sh*t choosing something different for now. It’s not fair to see us through the prism of our relationship status. What about our accomplishments? These are our “babies”. Why can’t everybody just be happy for us.
The emancipation gave women many rights, yet one of the basic one seems to be overlooked: The right of freedom of choice and not being judged.
We are not hurting anyone yet people constantly stab us with hurtful comments. We live in the 21st century, yet it feels like people kept the Middle Ages mentality.
It’s quite astonishing to see that this type of social pressure doesn’t apply to men.
It took me a couple of years to get my head straight and I know I am capable of loving again. But for now staying single is what I feel is right. Love is unpredictable and one day I hope someone sweeps me off my feet but I am not pushing anything just because the society expects me to fulfil a certain role. I am going to achieve that “something else” the society seems to dread. I will enjoy the moment and if my Prince Charming happens to cross my path unexpectedly then I’ll adjust my life accordingly.
If you struggle, please stop. I know it’s easier said than done but try. You’ll see how many great things you can achieve. Be awesome, be good and shine. Don’t care about other people. What they think doesn’t matter. Think long term but don’t let it stop you from enjoying the “right here right now”.
“Don’t leave before you leave” :
The right people will come and stay. The right person will come and stay. At the right time.
Let me know what you think! Is that girl in my article you? I wonder what men think about that sort of social inequality. Speak up and let’s stop that stigma.
