Love is a battlefield

When Pat Benatar sang “Love is a battlefield”, was she aware of what it truly meant?

I’ve been reading a war history book for my graduate elective, and realized that I have been using cold war strategies and tactics as my coping mechanism to a recent break-up:

1- Misinformation. By sprinkling half truths and lies over truth I was able to expose cracks in an already tenuous relationship. I sowed discord and conflict to expose these cracks and to retaliate against those who caused me pain. I deliberately did hurtful things in order to provoke and drive someone to do something that I was not capable of doing.

2- Precommitment and deterrence. By deliberately doing and saying hurtful things, I forced an ex to sever all ties with me forever, I made it impossible for him not to respond, thus cutting off all options and avenues for reconciliation.

I am still more angry than sad right now. My hurt has festered into anger, silent, boiling with rage anger. The last year has been challenging, so I keep telling myself that my rage is temporary. I also know that I cannot allow anger and mistrust to define me.

In the long run, these developments, no matter how painful, is the best option for me. I did not compromise on the issues that mattered to me. And for that, I will always be the ungettable girl — the proverbial girl that got away.