Hey Sarah, it’s me Julius! Finding answers about your feelings of lost is really a slippery slope down the rabbit hole… and all of a sudden you’re not in Kansas anymore. In psychology, they call what you’re possibly experiencing is rumination. It is where people would delve into their thoughts obsessively trying to find answers (i.e. people who are passive-aggressive: people who bottle things in until they can’t hold it any longer). If this is your first time delving deeply into your thoughts then this event will pass but if not then, “I” say be carful. This is a trait that people who suffer from depression are usually bound helplessly to, tirelessly finding answers… I know this because I suffer from depression and PTSD. And I can not stop thinking of the many possibilities, preventive measures and tactical moves that I could — would — or should have done… then… before i know it, time just slipped away. Sarah, I tell you this because I care to see you happy and content. I care because there might be a day… someway or another you remember me and say… “… oh man, I remember this crazy little kid named Julius…”. Don’t you see?!?!? You live on for us! As a former soldier, I’ve learned that if we die our family and friends will carry our legacy on, even though we are no longer… meaning we survive because you won’t let the image of us fade away. We live on within you through your thoughts and the minds we once interacted with. Don’t let their story fade away, Sarah.
I lost very close people I only wished I knew more of or hanged out with or . . . so much more. Recently, my favorite uncle died miserably on a couch in his apartment from what I heard either through starvation or malnutrition… (Gulp!)… they found his body after a couple of days passed he didn’t show up for work. They were too late. Now you tell me… how should I feel? This was the guy who tried to teach me how to drive in his manual sedan. This was the man who taught me how to crab fish in the nearby pond. This was the uncle who wanted to see me in my army uniform before I went to war in Iraq because I passed on his legacy in our family of veterans… he would’ve been proud of me (after yelling at me for thinking of joining in the first place!).
So Sarah, how should I feel?
No worries, they live on because we live on… my uncle deserves at least that… I’m sure your treasured friend deserves that too.