This time it took only an afternoon to recover. This is not about all things that things slip into cracks or some times that hyped -up reaction to a mistake seems to kink a completed task. It’s not bad until it affects the little beings. It is really bad when words and actions do not match and it affects outcomes .
The past year has been a series of wild he says/ she said with the City Of Albuquerque’s 311 Citizen Call Center. It involved neighbors , graffiti patrol, multi- housing outlets , police and property managers. It would have been much better for me to just let it go and pass it on ,or let the feeling of hopelessness finally take over our dead end street like a heavy blanketed ,dark-shadowed cloud. It would have been much easier to let the apathy sink in to finally tenderize that meat of our existence so eventually our evolution hurriedly triggers the lack of need to build strong bones, especially in the spine.
Please do not tell me that a work request ticket with reference number has been closed and that the graffiti has been removed even though I am still seeing that dynamic taggers craft from the interstate from both directions. And both frontage roads.
Please anonymous neighbor -who says that she’s lived in our condo complex for two years- tell me lies about pithy and methy nastiness in our neighborhood even though there is no police record of such. Those nasty one liners hurt more than alleged crimes. That does not make you a role- model complaining about something.
This more about finding all the help ,resources and the nuanced way to conduct a conversation while having little meltdowns, throwing a professional curve ball in the mix to actually show up at the police stations to have a civil chat, talking to the mayors office about why policy has changed but not conveyed correctly on the city website, calling back right away and saying, “ I appreciate the warm transfer , but the person you connected me to quickly and quietly forwarded me to a someone else’s voicemail”.
And I sound crazy — -a polite , respectful crazy though.
There is another neighbor that we play tag by taking turns calling the city about the graffiti. The police, some neighbors and the current management know that my time in my community is short, there will be a necessity to leave soon. But there is so much work to do.
And it’s a fast track healing for me to not to lured into old patterns of a child telling an adult something is wrong and they say what is experienced is not true. That lying child has a vivid imagination.
My adult overcompensation right now hooks the next problem resolve to another. If this knits well then maybe we can make a warm blanket for the next person in our state, in our city, in my neighborhood. The best part for me today is that blame is not the factor for change, nor is punishment.
The simple shift in conversation happens , for me, is a self reflecting questioning of what can I do to help and PTSD may get in the way to help. I ask that, “I want to help and can you help me?”. And today , 3 times today , that question made tremendous progress.