Confessions of a Depressed Silicon Valley Startup Founder

It’s been a year full of ups and downs. I remember telling my parents that I couldnt believe how great things were progressing back in October. Life was easy, money was in the bank and the vision was clear. I was motivated, passionate, driven and unreasonably optimistic about life and my new venture…It was a dream in retrospect, but as I sit here typing this now, the reality is a polar opposite of what it once was, or at least appeared to be.

My company is angel backed, supported in part by close family, friends and trusted colleagues. There is an enormous weight on my shoulders as when we first raised, they participated because of the idea, but more importantly, because of me. I felt the pressure when the first wire transfer hit our account but I remember thinking it would all work out. I could do this.

With money and a solid team, came a level of complacency around business development…Actually maybe poor prioritization is the right way to put it. I spent all of my time on the product side, managing our development, creating UI’s for our web and mobile app, etc. The product was coming along and to this day is solid for a minimum viable…but the major void and arguably more important aspect of the business was neglected. The facet that I was less comfortable and experienced in, which is probably why I put it off.

I sit here tonight, 6 months since that first wire transfer cleared the bank account, typing a memoir of the past (in brief), and where both I and the company stand today. We have maybe 2 months left of runway. I have deferred salary for myself so I now live in my office. I have isolated from all relationships and connections with other people due to the shame of where I am in life. I’m lost and alone, yet I have this beautiful product that could change the world, ready to launch, but with no fire backing it (me).

I am depressed, unmotivated and even sometimes suicidal. I frequently think about the pain of facing those investors, who are more than just financial contributors, and telling them I failed. The smart, agile, funny, and passionate entrepreneur I used to be has transformed into a empty lifeless being.

I know this is just temporary but I cant feel it or see it.

Another post to come soon…