I love the satire. I do have to say though, as an adult with severe ADHD, that first sentence took a solid few minutes to wrap my head around, but it was worth it to finish the read. Also, I like the “start” alliteration throughout. It reminds me of the puttering sound a car makes when it breaks down and you try to start it. Putting that into perspective of the piece, it makes me think of a bunch of college kids scratching their heads over a shitty car one of them owns that has broken down for the umpteenth time just that week.
Sorry for the tangent, but still love the article.