A Quarter Life Crisis
(aka: I’m a normal 25 year old.)
I day dream. Who doesn't day dream? Day dreaming is really just you playing pretend in your mind, creating a story. It is you sitting there and just imagining a situation. I used to think day dreaming meant you literally fell asleep in the day, like you had narcolepsy and your eyes stayed open. Dreaming is something you don’t have conscious control over. When you are sleeping and you dream, you are not conscious. Your dreams come from your sub-conscious. I read somewhere, that every person that is in your dreams is someone you have seen at some point in your life. You don’t just make someone up. I could totally be lying about that, maybe I heard that in Inception.
I’m here in bed at 11:34 on a Thursday night. Something has come over me, not a panic attack but maybe it is a I’m 4 glasses of wine in on a Thursday attack. Something has hit me. I’m growing up and I still have so much I want to do with my life and I’m afraid I’m never going to get to do it. Wait a minute, this is too deep…gotta change the station (Mariah Carey reference. Anyone?)
A lot of my hopes and day dreams are totally superficial and involve celebrities. Sometimes you need those silly things to pine over. I know nobody likes to sit and listen to or read about someone elses dreams. No one ever really finds your dreams that interesting other than you, if we are being honest here. Am I right? But you gotta get them off your chest and I think we think that if we talk it out, something will make sense.
This is the list of dreams I have:
- Bring Leonardo DiCaprio a cup of coffee on set. This has been my D.R.E.A.M since I was 13. I can’t even tell you why. I just thought of it and ever since then, it has been my solid goal in life. Now it has kinda been raised a little lower to just a cup of coffee in general maybe not on set. Then it went a little lower to maybe just always carrying around a Starbucks Giftcard that says “To: Leo” on it and if I ever pass him on the street or something just whip it out and throw it at him.
- Dance on Ellen.
- Star as Belle in Beauty and the Beast…somewhere, I don’t care if it’s in a friends basement and it’s just me as Belle and a cat as Beast and the only audience is my stuffed animals. But I will do a full run through of the production. Moving scenery, props, the whole works.
- Open a business called “The Pancakery” and it will have all different kinds of inventive flavored pancakes and french toast and waffles and a toppings bar, and a drive thru candy store.
- I want to have a Christmas album and have it sold at Starbucks. Or at least have a single become the “Pick of the Week.”
- Be on a blog that is more read than stupid Buzzfeed.
- Have someone acknowledge my creativeness and tell me I’m talented and maybe even funny. (Someone other then my Mom. But maybe I need to put myself out there a bit more to be seen.)
- Be involved in Mental Health and Addiction Services to spread awareness and hopefulness to young adults and teens around the country or world.
8.5 This is getting so dramatic.
9. This is getting too dramatic.
10. Bake cupcakes and write a song about boys with Taylor Swift.
I know I get judged quite a bit for the amount of entertainment news I read and for how invested in the entertainment world I can be. I have to know what new show is coming to FOX or what movie is Brad Pitt in next or what Kevin Jonas named his baby (Alena Rose Jonas, by the way. That’s her name.) I wish I could tell you why that is. I don’t have a reason. It’s because I guess I know it is something I will never have, but it is something I really want to be a part of. I want to be a part of a TV crew. I want to be a part of a movie crew. I want to be able to create something and see the reward put in front of me and have it be permanent. I want other people to see my work and to maybe feel something from it. To have it spark a thought, an emotion, a motion! Maybe to feel that they aren’t alone in their struggles or thoughts or to make them laugh and become involved in a whole other world. To give them some kind of hope. To see a show or a movie and think “Hey. That’s me.” To be someones favorite something. That every time they are sad or lonely they can read or watch or listen to something I helped create and feel a little better. It sounds so artificial. Everyone MUST want to be in it for the money or for the parties or to be apart of the who’s who of Hollywood. I don’t want to be famous. I don’t want to be in tabloids. I don’t want the spotlight. I want to quietly be able to see something that I was apart of and to watch it unfold in front of someones eyes and mind and know, that I did something that made a difference to them. That is what I see in entertainment. That is what I read and watch and listen to. Because that is what entertainment does for me.
See, it’s all pretty silly and a lot of nonsense, but sometimes you need those kinds of dreams to just let you look forward to something and maybe not take life so seriously. Right? Even if it’s something you KNOW you will never in a million years be able to do—because it is physically impossible—it is still something to keep you going. Something to day dream about. Some people dream of being a Doctor, but you can’t tell me that there isn’t a Doctor out there who hasn't dreamed of fighting crime with Batman as well as finding a cure to cancer.
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