Shakespeare..

…in my Hamlet???

I live in a hamlet with approximately 20 houses.

While walking my pup this evening, I thought of this quote….“This above all: to thine own self be true.”

I had to look it up to be sure, but yes…this quote is from Hamlet and is spoken by the pompous, often ridiculous Lord Polonius.

Pompous or not…this is a golden nugget that not only applies in Shakespeare’s Hamlet…but my hamlet as well!

We hear it in a thousand different ways throughout our entire lives.

Having trouble making friends in school? Just be who you are, and people will like you.

Getting married? It is your day, not your families. Do what you want.

Going to a job interview? Just be yourself.

Getting divorced? You have to be true to yourself, even if that means being alone.

Perhaps we hear it so often, because we have such a hard time being genuine and authentic to our own needs and desires.

Is it even realistic to be true to oneself? What about the people who depend on us, and expect us to behave/achieve in a certain way? What will happen if we disappoint them? …..Is it possible to die from guilt?

New health studies come out weekly about the negative effects of stress. We know that too much stress will make us age more quickly, get cancer, get an autoimmune decease, have a heart attack…..ultimately die sooner.

So yes…..

I could die from the (guilt) stress of being true to myself (and disappointing others)…

….but I could also die from the stress of not being true to myself (and constantly making other people happy at my own expense).

That is a tricky double-edged sword, isn't it?! So what is the answer?

Going back to Grandma’s advice….In a word…moderation.

But being moderate, and balanced, is immensely difficult. How on earth are we supposed to achieve it?

I don’t know.

The only inkling I have is to listen to my body. If I am stressed, I feel it physically. I get cramps, a sinus headache, sore throat, sick to my stomach, my allergies get worse, my mouth goes dry, etc. I feel it emotionally. I get depressed and overwhelmed.

As corny as it sounds…I am learning that I need to ‘listen to my body’.

Ok. So let’s break it down…

STEP 1. I am in a situation and I start to feel physically/emotionally stressed. I take note that I am about to make a choice that is inauthentic to myself.

STEP 2. Weigh my options. Sometimes I will have to push through an inauthentic action in order to meet other people’s expectations….because that is just life. Do I need to in this situation…or can I be true to myself?

And “there’s the rub”. (Another Shakespearean quote…I am on Fire!) How do we make those types of choices on a daily/hourly basis and remain balanced? Flip a coin? It is all too easy to get stuck in a pattern of constantly trying to please others. Women are especially prone to this behavior.

To be perfectly honest…I don’t know how to make the choice between when to be authentic, and when to meet others expectations.

Maybe……….

……STEP 3. Consider the ramifications of each choice and then choose the option that feels the best …..or at least choose the option that doesn't feel the worst?

STEP 3 doesn't have the eloquence of Shakespeare…but it is the best that I've got.

I am in the process of recuperating after an extended period of intense stress. I feel that knot of anxiety in my stomach almost all the time. Meditation, Yoga, Eating Right, Exercising, Anti-depressants, Acupuncture…and now Writing are the tools I am using to try to get back on track.

It is a slow process…and I mess up often. But I am only human, and that is normal. There is no precise formula that results in a successful and happy life (much to my chagrin). Life is a practice of constantly trying to achieve/maintain balance.

In conclusion, what does Shakespeare have to say about balance? I haven’t got the foggiest idea. But American writer/poet Frank Herbert dropped another nugget of gold into our laps when he wrote, “There’s no secret to balance. You just have to feel the waves”.

Thanks Frankie! Now let’s all jump in and ride the waves together. ☺