How to Skewer a Classic, by Jon F.

Hi Jon,

I’m a massive fan. Iron Man, Avengers, Chef, the earlier stuff — I mean shit! You are the f*ing man when it comes to giving a good story a shot of Hollywood AWESOME!

But why did you have to go and ruin my childhood memory with a personal touch that was completely and utterly avoidable?

I mean, what did Baghera, Mowgli or Bhaloo ever do to you?

I barely got through 30 minutes and couldn’t subject myself to any more of this vivid imagination you felt we needed to share.

When I was growing up, Jungle Book was a staple watch. It was pretty much on whenever it could be.

There were times I couldn’t tell real life apart from the one Disney portrayed in the 1967 version that I got to know as THE Jungle Book.

I didn’t even realize, until just now, that the story was not by Rudyard Kipling, but a rendition of stories he wrote about the ‘man cub’.

Funnily enough, I also did not realize the striking references to the British Maharaja in the original.

After I stopped watching your version, I immediately started watching the original, for old times’ sake.

I had to immediately watch the original again to cleanse my palette.

What a ride. All those incredible moments, all brought back to life thanks to Disney and Technicolor (remembering that there was a time their name would actually appear before the movie started!)

There are some parallels to be drawn, but that will follow in another piece. Not that you’ll ever get to read this, but one never knows.

In the meantime, I felt the need to vent and in doing so, I don’t mean to offend. You’re an incredible director, producer and an actor (enough to make me want to visit NOLA for those delicioso sandwiches).

But Jungle Book did nothing wrong. Why did you butcher it? You left the key parts out, like how Mowgli came to live with the wolves, his relationship with Baghera, etc.

And where was Bhaloo? I mean he should have made an appearance within 30 minutes, no?

Unlike the original, there was no build-up or fear of Sher Khan, we just saw the bugger taunting and harassing the wolves, like a thug in the Bronx.

I’ll watch all your other stuff, but this was uncalled for brother. I really waited for the right moment to watch it, and even then I couldn’t finish.

I hear the village girl isn’t even in the movie…what’s that all about?

Now I hear Disney is responding with their own remake. How about that?

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