Opinions are like Assholes

Yes, you read that right. Perhaps I could say ‘Assholes are like opinions’ but you know how the saying goes and those who know me know I say it like it is. I refuse to sugar coat this and you’ll soon understand why.

I’ve sat here for a few days, trying to think of a way to write this because I want to get it just right. And of course we all know some asshole who has an opinion about everything who has to make the point of loudly making sure the whole world knows about it. Usually, this comes in the form of publicly condescending and bullying a specific person by name in form of character assassination which we all well know, is just a very long form definition of classic narcissism.

However, that’s not really the issue I have today. I currently take issue with the individual who goes out of their way and feels completely entitled to (under a ridiculous pseudonym and phony or absent profile photo) be absolutely compelled to leave their burning-desire-asshole-opinion on an open forum in the way of a complete and total character assassination of another human being (usually a complete and total stranger). You know the target: the human being that actually has family and friends, perhaps children or a business and a life and good grief, lest we forget those things called feelings!

So I’ve been sitting here wondering what in the world to call this kind of troll. Because it is actually something other than classing trolling since the crap they are slinging sticks to a wall that can’t be removed or responded to. So then what it is? How do we describe it? Complete and utter shit oozing from the underbelly of an empty carcass that might have been the soul of Satan’s road kill after being looted by a dying wildebeest suffering from rabies. But I digress.

Where is this coming from?

Alright, I’ve got nothing to hide. I’ll lay it out there.

I’m aware that the internet can be your best friend and your worst enemy. You put something out there with the best intentions and hope for good results. However, you become vulnerable to trolls. But hey, taking chances and having enough self-esteem to take said chances is how a person becomes successful and learns from experiences. I am no celebrity and I never wanted to be. I have terrible stage fright and I just want to have fun, learn and grow.

However as a woman, when you make yourself vulnerable and put something out there for people to see and use (not to mention, completely for FREE) and you are met with emails, responses, plays, subscribes, downloads, etc., you feel pretty good about what you’re doing, right? I’m not talking about the extent of hiring a team of people to field the incoming barrage of messages or anything, but you get the idea. There is a little growth and it feels good to know we weren’t doing everything wrong.

Could we have done better? Hell yeah. I know I’m not perfect. I’m infinitely flawed and if there weren’t 10 things I didn’t already do wrong today (and it’s only 12:30pm) it would be a miracle! But, I know I’m doing my best. I’m real. I say it like it is, and I’m very much aware that not everyone will love me (and vice versa). Way it goes.

So what’s the friggin’ issue?

Here’s my goddamn issue. I’m going to do my best to pepper this will as much humor as I can to get my point across because this is how I feel about this situation and I don’t know any other way to express myself:

There are some people who have very little (if any) self-esteem out there on the wonderful wild worldly interweb. I will perhaps take a chance and say that some likely still live with their parents in the basement because they are too afraid to take chances and do something like the proverbial ‘jump off the damn cliff already and do it!’.

Or perhaps, living on their own but stuck in some dead end job they hate, totally miserable because they still haven’t taking any chances and aren’t doing anything exciting with their lives.

Eventually the result might be to get crazy-mad with asshole-opinions, envy, jealousy, rage, or whatever the hell it is I can’t even find the words to describe. Maybe (not maybe) they are a narcissist who MUST put other people down including pointing out their personality flaws in order to feel better about themselves.

Actually, I am okay with this because when I read this crap, the comments they write have no relevance to the item they are supposed to be reviewing. And ironically, it is very much aimed at me, the female half of the duo. Hmm.

I have to wonder if this isn’t a complete and utter hate for women, or women in power, or women with more experience. All of whom are colleagues in this scenario. But I’ll get to that in a moment.

Details. Details. Details.

When you do your best, you feel great about it. Hopefully, but yeah. You feel great. That’s the deal here. We do our thing, we do our best and we put it out there. Is it worthy of some kind of Nobel Prize? Meh. We’re not in a professional studio. We record over Skype. The audio is sub-par at best on several of the episodes and we are very much aware of it. We never claimed to be anything other than offering what we know (and don’t know) on a free show — no sponsors, commitments or promises. We never claimed to be anything other than that. That’s the bottom line.

It’s a free podcast, the content is there, slightly disorganized but we have a great time. We received a lot of feedback, albeit mostly private, expressing gratitude, or via an increase in subscribers or listeners. We enjoy the conversations, always try to improve the quality of the recordings and look forward to the show each week. That’s enough for a successful day in my book (other than waking up every morning and my feet hitting the floor).

So, after two whole years and 50,000+ plays of our 60+ episodes, when you receive a review like “I couldn’t even finish one episode.” I laugh my ass off. REALLY? You couldn’t finish one episode yet you feel imminently qualified to go all the way to the review section, log in, rate us and write that? Thanks! You just told us how much we actually impacted you so again, thank you!!

Again, that’s not even what bothers me, because clearly, that’s a bullshit review that any intelligent human would know to disregard the same way they’d disregard a review on a lightbulb set on Amazon with 1 star rating with a review saying “This is stupid, it has no instructions”.

What is baffling (and please take note very carefully: I have in no way been crying about this on my pillow until men come in white jackets to take me away for a week), is the person who feels the need to write a very lengthy review based solely on me. ME and only me. He hates the sound of my voice. He hates my sense of humor. He thinks I don’t know anything about design or what I’m talking about. He can barely finish an episode because he basically can’t stand pretty much anything about me. This goes on and on.

Of sixteen written reviews, 6 have been negative. SIX. The rest have been very complimentary, supportive and positive. (Thanks folks!) There have only been a few of these out of the more than 50,000 podcast plays we have had, so clearly, okay… I’ve left a review or two in my life on the iTunes store and it’s a pain in the ass. I appreciate the effort that anyone goes through to take the time to go that far so thanks for listening and letting me know that you must be thinking a lot more about me than you’re willing to admit so I am really flattered!

But, ironically, despite the fact that I have bared my soul and put my full identity out there sharing experiences with other designers to hopefully help and possibly reach someone, these trolls have anonymous usernames with no way to respond and engage with them. I would be happy to chat with them to try and understand what is really going on. I am amused that they didn’t bother to reach us on our very easy to find & use website, Facebook page, Twitter account, etc. They strategically chose a method that would be nothing more than character assassination to the female half of the duo. Very telling.

What I don’t understand is: Why the fuck are you listening, dude? Do you know how many things I’ve tried and turned off without giving it a second thought? We get it. For some reason you don’t like me. That’s okay. I bet I wouldn’t like you either because if I was a betting woman and we met in person, if we were to talk about the things that bug you, you might start picking on my height or weight or some other insignificant detail that has nothing to do with anything relating to the show, all in an attempt to make yourself feel like a big man.

It’s the damn bullying.

I can handle a negative review if the audio sucks. We know it happened, we’re not thrilled about it but sorry (not sorry), we’re working on it. It’s getting better. Thanks for the feedback.

I can handle a private message from someone trying to engage in a conversation and allowing for the opportunity to create a dialogue so perhaps we could get a better idea of what’s really happening. Thanks to those folks, we’ve had fun getting to know you!

But between the constant attacks against “the female” of the duo only, and calling me out by name making unnecessary insults about things I can’t change make me laugh hysterically, and remind me of when Jimmy Kimmel has celebrities reading mean tweets about them for the sole purpose of realizing how totally fucking ridiculous it is to post them in the first place. Like “I’m a nobody underachiever and you’re an Oscar winning actor/actress but you’re so ugly and I hate your face!” That.

If anyone with an ounce of self-esteem leaves a review on any site for a service or product and feels the need to insult a person by name in this way, I think it should be required that they show a photo and real life name of themselves actually doing something better.

What’s the point of all this?

And here’s the point folks: There’s no reason to be afraid of someone else who is doing something you might not be doing. Just learn from it. If you have a better idea, do that. Move on.

There is never a reason to publicly insult your peers as it just makes you look fearful and envious. Don’t humiliate someone thinking it makes you look cool. It makes you look like an asshole.

Gratitude.

I am grateful for this experience because it’s made me 10x stronger. I know I am doing something right if I pissed someone off during the course of my creative work. And if someone is compelled to call me annoying or shrill or not funny…good! I got through to you deep enough that you had to write it down and let me know. Thank you.

So, now you understand: Opinions are like Assholes. But we also know, many assholes have even shittier opinions.