Dear World

Dear Mr. President, Attorney General, Governors, State Representatives, Mayors, University Presidents, Police Chiefs, District Attorneys, Moms, Dads, and anyone who cares about women:

Every semester I get phone calls from young women away from home for the first time as independent adults. Their parents tried to prepare them for college, supporting them through high school, making sure that they had what they needed for this huge monumental step into the world of higher education. The new bedspreads, the extra-long mattress pads, papers and pens and maybe even a new laptop. But what they did not tell them and probably what they did not even know themselves is this. We tell our daughters to make sure they do not walk to their cars alone at night, have a buddy system but do we tell them to stay away from frat houses, places that offer unlimited free alcohol, a set-up for assaults.

“I thought he was my friend, but he raped me.” “I was at a birthday party and he handed me a drink. The next thing I knew I woke up, without my clothes on and bleeding.” “He followed me back to my dorm, I screamed and he is saying I consented! I have never had sex before. I would never have consented.” These are the calls I get. I sit with them as they struggle to understand what happened. How do they call their parents? Should they pursue a hearing? What if no one believes me, why can’t he be prosecuted? I hold their hands; tell them this was not their fault. No sexual assault is the victim’s fault. Fault lies only at the feet of the assaulter. Always!

As the co-author to the book “Picking Cotton — Our Memoir of Injustice and Redemption” I have recounted the story of my rape hundreds of times to audiences at conferences, state legislators, colleges and high schools. It never ceases to amaze me at the number of girls, women and men who come up to me and tell me “I was raped and never told anyone.” But the one that stops me in my tracks is when someone shares with me “I guess mine wasn’t as bad? It wasn’t a stranger rape!” This is shocking; this culturally accepted condoning of family rape, campus violence, and acquaintance assault. Why is there a different measuring device we use to assess whether one rape is worse than another? Why do we as a society attempt to explain away rape?

Rape leaves the victim silenced, void of control, without power. It alters the brain chemistry of the abused, not just temporarily but forever. We suffer from PTSD, not just today but tomorrow. We know that from that day on, we are not safe and that who we were before the assault is lost forever in some horrible vortex. And yet the abuser is typically not punished, especially if the assault occurs on a college campus. He will continue to take his classes, play on his sport team, pour another solo cup of beer at the keg party and walk up the stairs to assault the next girl who made the audacious mistake of going to that frat party, social mixer, bar, or other campus-sanctioned event. And this is how things are among those fortunate enough to go to some of the finest universities in America!

So what are you called to do as a leader; one who is in charge and is in the position of power to do something? Perhaps you could turn a deaf ear and blind eye, and become complacent to the pervasive and overwhelming number of us. Or you can take the lead, begin a movement that creates a safe place for the students and prosecutes those who commit a criminal offense. Rape, assault and violence against women is not an honor-code violation, it is not a case of misbehavior or poor judgment. It is a felony.

According to the January 2014 report from the White House Council on Women and Girls “Rape and Sexual Assault: A Renewed Call to Action” one of five girls will be raped during her four years in college (this does not even consider graduate or post graduate work). Seven percent of college males have admitted to committing rape or attempted rape, and 63 percent of this group admits to being serial rapists, averaging six rapes each. Is anyone reading this as horrified as I am? Can you look across your coffee cup or bowl of corn flakes at your daughter, sister or wife and simply shrug this off as “boys will be boys” behavior? Is a one-semester suspension from school the right sanction? Being kicked off the football team? Suspending recognition to a frat house? Rape is a felony punishable by life imprisonment. A slap on the wrist is not an appropriate punishment for rape.

Whether the number is one in four or one in five, the statistics are alarmingly high. Think about if you stood a one in four chance of having surgery and then found out you were misdiagnosed. Would that be too high of a risk? What about if one in five airplanes crashed, is that an acceptable number? According to RAINN, every two minutes another American is sexually assaulted, each year there are about 300,000 victims of sexual assault. If that same number applied to Ebola, no one would leave their house. Yet, we somehow have become numb to violence against women, why is this not an issue of public safety for all of us.

Here is my challenge; think of four women you love and care about and pick one! Is that an acceptable statistic now? I applaud the White House for taking up this problem, addressing it head on and calling for better over sight in reporting and collecting data, but the real problem is stopping rape from happening in the first place. 98 % of rapist are males, we need to teach our men and boys about what rape is, what is does to the survivor today and for years to come. It must be a cultural shift and this starts with honest and open dialogue. And we really don’t have time to waste. In the next hour there will be thirty more victims.
These boys do not out grow this behavior folks. Nope, they graduate and take their attitudes towards women into schools, politics, law, the military, church and sports fields. So, here is a strategy, let’s start treating this the way it needs to be treated as a matter of public safety and public health. For centuries the church covered up and ignored sex abuse and we know what happened there. So if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it is a duck not a rabbit. Rape is a felony, plain and simple.

Sincerely,

Jennifer Thompson
The writer is co-author of the New York Times best-selling memoir, Picking Cotton: Our Memoir of Injustice and Redemption, and a public speaker and advocate on the topics of sexual violence and criminal justice reform